16,653 down to 3

I caught this cool blog idea off some friends' blogs, and I did not have to think for three seconds to choose my items...despite the impressive size (we all know size DOES matter) of my inventory, my beloved hair from Cross, my kickass tats from Guen, my bitchin' boots from Reboot & Whittenton's, nothing compares to these three items.

One of the very first gifts Troy ever gave me was a menu-driven necklace and matching earring set from JCNY. It's a sweet set, and you can customize the metal and the stones (not to mention turn off that asinine bling).


The second item is the invitation Troy made for our partnering reception. He did it 100% on his own, and when he showed it to me that first time, I must admit my eyes welled with tears (but don't tell him, that...wouldn't want him to get a big head). ;)

And, finally, the ring Troy gave me when we bought our matching set for our partnering. Given the somewhat non-traditional aspect of our entire relationship (for example, his rl wife and I are fb friends and love to send each other stuff from all those time-wasting apps!), I was actually really surprised that he wanted the ring...but, of course, so did I. :D



So, almost 17K items (neatly sorted into folders and sub-folders, thank you very much), only three matter, only three make my SL worthwhile, and only three cannot be replaced.

Happy New Year, again! :P

a few more group spaces in the 'ole profile! ;)

Yesterday, I was hella busy IRL recovering from a week's worth of house guests and trying to get ready for tonight. Though Troy & I keep in touch all day long via email & IM, he'd told me he was in SL at Sanctuary Rock enjoying the lag, wondering if I could make it. He didn't stay long, and I couldn't get there before he logged off. As my favorite uncle the cowboy loves to say 'damn the luck.'

I was, however, able to log onto SL earlier in the day in order to tender my official resignation to Tempest & Nessa. I was sorry to do it, but I really think it's for the best right now. I do love Sanctuary Rock, and I certainly don't discount the possibility that I might return some day--I just don't have the time right now. It's a great club filled with dedicated folks who make it truly unique & kickass!!! Cheers to you all!

Happy New Year! ;)

here's the deal

Firstly, a belated Merry Christmas and a very safe & happy New Year's to anyone who might read this! I've been busy as hell IRL since thanksgiving, having a great time with family & friends, but working on a pretty high stress level. This has definitely been the best holiday season since my parents divorced 14 years ago. Having kiddos really does give you a whole new perspective of Christmas--cliched but true.

So, I got an email from my SL rental group letting me know the rent on the place where Troy and I live is up in a week. We generally pay 4-6 weeks at a time, so these messages are helpful. Anyway, I just now logged on to cap off the rent...and I could not remember my SL password.

Troy stopped DJing around Thanksgiving, and I quit hosting at the same time. Since then, we've hardly logged onto SL at all...not even on our one year partnering anniversary (Happy Belated Anniversary, hun). My relationship with Troy is so much deeper than SL, and has been for so long. I did think, when we decided to quit our jobs, that perhaps I'd try to come back to hosting after the craziness of the holidays passed.

So, I couldn't remember my password? I think that's my answer, right there. SL is a gorgeous world, and I will never 'leave' (I always chuckle when people make big pronouncements about "leaving SL") but it's clear hosting is not a very big part of my life right now. Could that change? Of course. I leave all options open. Do I think it's likely? Not particularly.

The whole reason Troy and I stopped working was to make sure any free online time we had was spent doing stuff we wanted, and I think, now more than ever, what we want in SL is just to log on and have fun, hang out with friends, listen to music, and chill together.

Anyway, it's hella late, and I've got house guests who are going to want fed in the morning.

Stay warm and toasty. :D
peace

Time for a Change

Troy & I have gone back & forth over the last year (yes, our one year partnering anniversary is coming up Dec. 13!) debating/regretting/looking forward to how much time we spend in SL, and what we do with that time. It's not a matter of 'leaving' SL, but just an acknowledgement that it no longer fills whatever need it once did, is no longer as fun as it once was. As such, Troy has decided to give up DJing, and I'm no longer hosting at Sanctuary Rock or C.O.R., and Rykk & Kaedy are closing Freakheim soon.

After the first of the year, Troy & I are going to decide if we miss working, and if so, one or both of us will probably return in some fashion. If not, we'll simply use the limited time we have in SL as OUR time, hanging out with friends, listening to other DJ's we like, and getting to more live shows.

Oh, and 19 shopping days to Christmas, and I've purchased a total of TWO gifts...so, erm, you know what the next few weeks hold for me. In "wtf were you thinking?" news, I've decided to host my in-laws for Christmas this year...which will mean cramming upwards of 13 people in our tiny house, and then FEEDING them. I know 13 isn't a lot, but it is when you only cook for three. *insert panicky sigh here* I wonder how much a keg would cost. I think it would be cheaper than how many bottles of beer it's going to take to get me through the event.

In the midst of the materialism of the holiday season, let's not forget one of the reasons for the season. The birth of a man who had the radical idea to love your enemies, heal the sick, feed the poor, take care of the elderly, and never pass up a glass of wine.

peace

A Reason for Giving Thanks

You can run, but you can't hide. The holidays are here!

The 'official' start of the holiday season (in the US) is this week with Thanksgiving. A holiday shared in many cultures across many centuries, in one form or another. The growing season at an end, the harvests completed, stores of food to last a brutal winter, and a big party to celebrate and brace for the difficult months to come. Historically, in the US, it's tied to the first pilgrims and their rather miraculous survival (with the help of those who were already here). It didn't become an official holiday here until the 1940's, I think. But the heart of Thanksgiving is to be thankful for life, health, food, family, and friends.

This is a hard time of year for many folks, myself included. Things have changed for me in recent months...a devastating loss, and then a slow but steady path back towards healing. Of course, there's also a little blond boy who rules my world--he has certainly helped to bring back a sense of wonder to my Christmas spirit.

For the past month, I've used my status updates in facebook to express what I'm thankful for each day. It's been a great deal of fun...I've given thanks for the simplest things, a pretty day, a good cup of coffee, a talk with a friend, and I've given thanks for my husband, my son, and my incredibly blessed life.

The habit of giving thanks is a sure road to happiness. The more you stop and see what you *have* rather than what you don't, the more you count your blessings and the happier you become. Well, it works for me anyway.

So, I'd like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to any American followers, and to anyone else who happens to stumble along, have a good holiday season. :D

peace

46 days till WHAT?

So, I'm doing my daily ritual of facebooking, and someone sends me some new app thingy that tells me it's 46 days until Christmas. Although I own many calendars, including the one that bosses me around all day long on my blackberry, I still managed to be surprised. The number of presents I've purchased? zero The number of christmas cards I've purchased? zero The number of lists (I LOVE the lists) designed to get my arse in gear? zero *reaches for pen and paper to begin list number ONE*

But before the insanity of an over-commercialized, highly inebriated christmas, we've got to get through Thanksgiving. My husband is working that wednesday, thursday, and friday, and my mom and I are planning a road trip with my son down to OK to see some relatives. This should be very interesting. (that's code for 'wtf was I thinking agreeing to go without my husband?')

In my youth, my family was tightly knit...holidays were passed together, with kids sleeping on floor while the adults laughed into the early morning playing cards. Cancer, death, divorce, & MUCH relocating have since intervened. My son won't get to experience these big family events, not in the same way, not the Norman Rockwell perfection I clearly remember. *sighs* So, I pack up the kiddo and head south, trying to recreate some of that 'spirit of things past' for my son. Wish me luck.

'Tis the season...let's try for peace.

two favorite quotations...

One of my most annoying habits is using other people's words (via essays, novels, poems, or songs) to express how I feel. I guess a lifetime studying literature will do that for you. Two quotations stand out, have stood out to me, in recent days with all the changes at Sanctuary Rock, changes with old friends & lovers (RL), and the place I'm at right now.

I constantly try to practice the art of gratitude...seeing that many of the things I take for granted are actually incredible gifts of fortune...from my home, my husband's job, & our health to something like a washing machine, a good cup of coffee, or a talk with a friend. The curse of Modern Life is that it's too easy...free time is a gift that most do not know how to use (think of the precious hours of your life squandered in front of the television). When not managed properly, with a sense of purpose & urgency, free time allows one to wallow, to become overly introspective, to become weak. I'm not condemning or pointing a finger; I'm speaking from experience.

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) was the wife of US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Her writings, her activism, her sense of purpose remain inspirations for many still. These are my two favorite statements pulled from her writings.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

I italicized the second sentence because the implications of it are so powerful to me...it's about challenging yourself, fighting chaos, fighting inertia, & recognizing the time is NOW, and excuses are the surest paths to regret. I'd rather regret the things I did yet failed at than regret NOT doing the things I was too afraid to try. If that makes sense?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "

This is probably the way I try to look at every encounter with someone who *seems* to have more than me. Humans are insecure by nature, and no one has the market cornered on feeling sorry for oneself. While some like to beat the "we are all alone" drum, I acknowledge our isolation, but I take solace in the shared needs, the need for love, acceptance, purpose, strength, and laughter.

That's enough philosophical ranting for one day. I suppose the final need, laughter, is the most important to me. If this life is a tragedy, (and it IS going to end badly for us all), then it's the laughs along the way that I need most.

peace

things that make you go hmmm....

At the height of my SL addiction, I was logging at least 2 or 3 hours every day online. That's no longer the case. Primarily because of changes in my RL, my time in SL has dwindled significantly over the past year. I probably don't log much more than 7 or 8 hours a week in SL these days, and 5 of those are working or getting ready for a shift. Another reason for the change is that SL is no longer my first choice when I have free time, or even free time on the computer (thanks facebook!). To say I'm 'out of the loop' when it comes to the SL gossip mill is a rather dramatic understatement (and one I'm grateful for!).

So, a lot of stuff that I don't have a clue about happened this weekend at Sanctuary Rock, and the result is that a group of people left the club entirely. I didn't know either mOxi or Eme that well, but of the few interactions I did have with them, I don't have a single negative thing to say. They were nice, helpful, & professional. My relationships with Leetah & V, however, certainly affected my day-to-day life in SL.

Leetah hired and trained me as a host. She is kind, funny, laid back, supportive, professional, and she was a great boss. We never developed much more than a working relationship, but it was a good one because of her managerial style. I am certainly sad to see her go.

Veronica is one of the few people in SL I actually consider a friend. I think we tend to view things in a similar way, and we really enjoy just having fun & being goofy in Local chat, especially with Jopps & Troy. We flirt, we tease, we laugh. My favorite shifts hosting at SR were the ones she and Jopps attended. And, she's gone.

I don't know what happened between the managers at SR, and frankly, that's the way I prefer it. But, I am sad to see good people who poured a great deal of time & energy into SR go, especially since it seems the vibe/morale is pretty bad right now. I wish the new managers (and those old managers in new positions) all the best. Continuity is a rare bird in SL, but a club like SR needs it to survive. The concepts of a fun atmosphere and a sense of family at the club, well, those concepts are what make any club (SL or RL) a place people want to be--they are the things that make Sanctuary Rock special. I hope the club, and those who are still there, can work to repair the rift that losing these good people has caused.

I guess that's enough pontificating.

peace

missed again!

This weekend is a second SL Live Musician get-together that I won't be attending. The last one, a few months ago, was in Canada. Since I lack both a passport & the balls to fly, (not to mention ANY spare cash), I knew it was impossible for me to attend. Well, this weekend, some of the best musicians in SL (Norris Shepherd & Max Kleene among them) are once again converging together in a Holiday Inn somewhere in Dallas, TX, and I'm SOOOOOO jealous.

Dallas is maybe an 8-10 drive for me, and I think someday I'm going to really regret not pushing harder to get a sitter for the weekend, a credit card I could charge the whole thing on, & a friend who'd let me drag her down there. Since my husband works most weekends, he could serve as neither caregiver for the kiddo nor road trip buddy. *sighs*

In other, better, news, Troy has picked up a four week gig back at The Colosseum Of Rock starting next Friday, 11 -1 SLT. I'm hoping to host those events for him, and I'm really happy to see him getting excited about DJing again. :D

Oh, and my two year rez date came & went. So much for all the insight, philosophical musings, blah, blah, blah. :P

peace

not quite a month since...

...my last post ranting about my previous landlords. A few nights after my post, someone from the residence group IM'd me to find out what had happened. She hadn't been in SL in several days, and like many, logged on to find her house gone, and all her stuff mass-dumped into her Lost & Found.

I told her what I knew about St Lucia Properties disappearing, and then she returned the favor. Turns out she knew Xavier and Lexus in RL, or on facebook, etc. They'd both deleted themselves from her facebook account/msn/etc. From what she knew, it seems that they were in dire straits, dealing with RL job loss & bankruptcy. So, I'm not quite as angry about losing $10 in rent. I wish they'd have handled it differently, even if they couldn't/wouldn't refund prepaid rent amounts. But, if it was a choice between taking the linden OR paying the mortgage in RL, I know what I'd have done. So it goes.

Troy & I decided upon a fabulous place at Chiron Towers back in Nunki Kai. I've been having a great time decorating. I also became a Twisted Survivor from the Twisted Hunt!! It's going to take me weeks to open 156 boxes! It's like an SL Twisted Christmas. ha

Then, Troy took two weeks off from SL/djing. Knowing, as I do, the physical struggles he deals with on a daily basis, I wasn't surprised at all. He's burnt out & needs a break. A few days ago, he told me if I left SL, he would follow...that I was the only reason he came there. What's funny is I've said the exact same thing to him.

So, once again, we find ourselves on the precipice of moving our friendship entirely into the realm of RL, which, honestly, is where 95% of it is carried out anyway. Makes me wonder, as always, what any of us (who aren't artists or musicians or entrepreneurs) are doing in SL. Talking fetuses, lame cartoon sex, high school gossip, bullshit drama, and precious time spent staring at a monitor rather than a friend or lover. (sighs whilst humming "we're all crazy now")

peace

Home is Where You Rez It...

Monday night I logged onto SL to continue my Twisted Hunt (stalling out in the 120's...) only to find my plans quite thwarted. The usually quiet St. Lucia Bay Properties Group IM was buzzing.

I clicked on the tab, assuming someone was throwing a party, needed help with deeding a tv or radio, or was simply bored. What I was able to deduce, after a few questions, is that the owners of St Lucia Bay, Xavier Hathaway & Lexus Daviau, had posted the entire community for sale in an Invite-Only (slumlord) group, picked up every single rent box, deleted all St Lucia Bay residents from their friends' lists, left the St. Lucia Bay Properties Group, and "left" SL, due to a 'family emergency."

They sent NO group notices, they issued NO refunds (Troy and I had five weeks left on our new place that we loved), they gave NO warning to any residents PRIOR to posting the sims for sale. Xavier did send a one sentence IM to a few St. Lucia Bay Residents Monday afternoon, but not to me, and it explained nothing. Everyone generally found out via the Group IM as residents of the first few sims to sell logged on to find their houses gone and all their possessions mass dumped into their Lost & Found folder. They turned to Group IM, and that's when Xavier's actions were discovered. Only one member of the management staff had the courage or decency to answer questions as best she could, and help people with 'deeded to group' items.

Needless to say, former residents of these sims are furious, stunned, and saddened. For Troy & I, the sims held great sentimental value. That's the first place we lived together, that's where we lived when we partnered. Many, many good memories....Gone with the Grid. (okay, so, I haven't lost my sarcastic sense of humor).

There is no legal accountability to Landlords in SL, so it's "Renter Beware." I know that. I also know that SL Landlords have a long & ugly history of buying/selling sims with NO concern for the residents. While commiserating in Group IM, I learned many of my former neighbors have gone through this sort of thing SEVERAL times in SL.

I find the actions of the new owners, deleting people's homes and mass returning their stuff into a jumbled mess in Lost & Found, JUST as rude and thoughtless as what Xavier and Lexus did. Again, no one even bothered to send us a Group Notice. You just logged on & figured it out for yourself.

I'll fill out the LL Complaint form, knowing it will do no good. I already sent Xavier a notecard asking for a rental refund and an explanation. He's not accepted it. I counted him as a friend and an honest businessman. I don't know what the family emergency was, but he had enough time to do many things before he left, but refunds & communicating to former tenants were not his priorities.

So, Troy & I are back at Nunki Kai for the time being, until we figure out what to do. I guess it's a good thing we never got a chance to throw that House Warming Party...

tongue-tied & twisted

So, when it's been so damn long since you logged in to your blog that you have trouble remember your User ID & password, you know it's time to say something, anything, or take the whole damn thing down. Since I'm far too vain for the latter, I guess I'll bore ya.

Troy & I are doing the Twisted Hunt. It is the first such hunt for both of us, and we're loving/hating it. We're both dangerously OCD, so the *need* to find every damn box will keep us going until the end. We're also both incredibly impatient, which speaks for the 'hating' part.

What I will say is that if you've never done a hunt, start with this one. DV8 is the first stop (and if I knew how to add a slurl, I would...look it up in search in-world, damn it). What I've loved, besides getting great hunt items, is finding these awesome stores & designers that I never would've known about otherwise. If you're tired of your searches for clothing turning up the same results (Naughty Neva...really?) then you are definitely ready for the Twisted Hunt. Do it! Ya know ya wanna...but hurry, it ends the end of September.

I'd like to give major kudos to the Hunt Organizers who staff the Twisted Hunt Group IM, doling out much needed hints. I'd also like to slap the group members who are rude in IM. Some get angry when they don't get their hint right away, or when the hint doesn't help them. Again, really? It's free, it's a *hunt,* and the group moderators are volunteering their time to help us. So, rather than being a jackass, how about some patience & a "thank-you" when someone tries to help you?

Whew, got that off my chest. Okay, what else? Next month is my second rez day in SL, and the first anniversary of this languishing blog. So, erm, that will probably make me all philosophical...you've been warned!

Oh, and damn it, there's another Jam Session with SL Live Musicians, this time in Dallas, Texas October 23-25. I want to go soooooo badly. It's not a very long drive for me. I seriously doubt I find the money OR the childcare to do it, but if you are in the Dallas area, I strongly encourage you to get the details and attend. You can drop me an IM or NC in-world if you're unsure who to contact. I've got the registration info in my inventory. I'm betting Norris has some info on his blog about it, too.

Okay, my beer's getting warm. I gotta cut this short.
peace

A Big Move...

I will celebrate two years in SL this October, and Troy will celebrate three in December. When I met Troy, he had a great house in the Nunki Kai/Sagittaria Estates. I rented an apartment there for a short time as well. It's a great collection of sims, expertly designed & landscaped, if a bit overcrowded.

When Troy & I decided to move in together last fall, we also decided to make a fresh start in a new place. Troy, with little patience for shopping, entrusted me with the property search. hehe We agreed to rent and not buy, and we had a price range/number of prims in mind. Now, one of my favorite past times in SL is looking at land/residences/estates, so scoping out the grid for our first place together was great, great fun. In my search, I stumbled upon St Lucia Bay Properties, owned by real life husband & wife Xavier Hathaway & Lexus Daviau. That was over a year ago, and though I still sim-surf for properties, I've never found anything with the combination of privacy, attention to detail, value, and management of the St Lucia Properties.

Troy & I also share the characteristic of, shall I say, thriftiness...and as such, we've gone back & forth from the luxury of having a big, private island with lots of prims to the practicality of having a smaller place/rent. As I've previously gone on and on about, we've each had a difficult summer in our RL's. Though we've stayed together, and are stronger for it, it has not been easy for either of us. Today, we decided to treat ourselves to a little something special, and we rented our biggest place yet in St Lucia Bay Properties. It's a stunning home on a little island on the edge of the 11 sim region. I'll post a pic soon, but you can see it on my in-world profile now.

I'd like to say a special thank you to Xavier. He and his wife do a wonderful job managing these sims, and they've recently opened a mall area and nightclub, with great events, live dj's, and contests. As SL landlords, they are readily accessible for problems, they provide excellent customer service (certainly an endangered species in SL) and Xavier has put up with me repeatedly pestering him for almost a year now. Troy & I are very grateful.

I'm looking forward to decorating our new home, and we hope to have a little housewarming party very soon. Today was a good day. :D

peace

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

...it tolls for thee." John Donne

So, it's been one of those seasons. I'm not a macabre person by nature, but I've had my share of illness & death this spring/summer, so death weighs more heavily on my mind than usual. I'm inspired by the courage of those around me who battle illness, and I'm moved to ponder the afterlife.

Ten years ago, my grandmother lost her fight with cancer. I was at her side (as was the rest of the family) when she died. One moment she was there, breathing, crying, talking, and then, she was essentially an inanimate object. I guess that's why some refer to the body as a shell that houses spirit/consciousness. I do not believe in the pearly gates of the judeo-christian heaven, but I DO believe that her essence, her love, her energy, they had to go someplace, right? I remember asking myself "Where did all the love she held in her heart go?"

The summer preceding her death, I had an "intuitive portrait" done by a mystic/seer. I wasn't entirely certain how much I believed in such a gift, but the things this woman knew, such as I disliked cats and loved dogs, was a night person, liked birds, had taught/would return to teaching (right on both counts), it made a believer out of me. The kicker was that this woman "saw" my Native American spirit guide. Mind you, this was the middle of winter, I was as pale as could be, blond hair, blue eyes...and she saw the guide...a female ancestor who watches over me. hmmm

I sat down to write this blog entry in a moment of inspiration, presumably with a point. Said point has since eluded me. Maybe the thoughts of my grandmother's death, this spirit guide, and my own recent experiences are connected? Maybe whatever was going to tie it all together for me will come back to me...or maybe the connection is the point. I've not had enough coffee to go further than that.

peace

Why Everything Sucks...

I adore him, and he's so damn right...




In a completely unrelated point, I'm going to rant about a huge pet peeve of mine, and that's a person's inability to see the 'big picture' because he or she is too mired down in petty selfishness. I guess I feel I've gotten an ass-kicking worth of perspective this summer, and I'm still working through it. Two RL friends of mine both lost their younger brother within a day of each other. One was 30, and the other was 26; one had a very rare medical condition, and the other had a car accident. Both left behind grieving families, and one leaves behind a widow and two small children. My RL sis is battling cancer, a best friend from high school battles MS. Real struggles, real heartache, real tragedy.

Then I look at all the trivial ways people manage to feel sorry for themselves, all the energy they spend nursing old wounds or manipulating or hating, and I just wonder if that's really all they have to do with their time--because our time is in damn short supply. I'm not what you'd call an optimist, but one thing I try to practice is the art of gratitude. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that the people I love are still with me. But, I am tired of other people's selfish bullshit, and I wish they'd spend as much energy being grateful for what they have as they spend bitching about what they don't.

things can only get better...right?

This has not been a good summer for myself or for Troy, not in terms of SL, but in terms of RL. I'm not talking 'gosh, I wish I had a different job, could lose some weight, could buy a new car' but serious loss and illness. We've both scaled back our SL time, cut some online commitments, and tried to focus on healing. I'm tired of bad things happening to us. I know all of life is a cycle, with ups and downs, but the downs are really starting to add up.

The only positive thing I can see is that despite all that we've been through, Troy and I have been through it together. It's no lie to say we've each gone through hell for the other over the past (almost) two years of friendship and seven months of partnering. That's something, something pretty damn significant. We're still together, still providing support for the rough times in RL, and a little bit of relief when we meet up in SL.

The other, much much happier reason for this entry is to highlight some amazing events in Live Music this weekend. Norris Shepherd, Max Kleene, Jase Branner, and Mash Rhodes are just a few of the SL musicians who will be meeting up this weekend in Montreal, with a full day of concerts scheduled together. It's going to be completely amazing. I'm pasting in the link from Norris's blog with a list of show times. You should absolutely, positively, without question attend a show. :D

http://www.norrisshepherd.com/?p=112

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Ex's

I don't know why I decided to address this particular issue in my series--many SL bloggers have shared their experiences with us, showing firsthand the pain SL brings when things don't work out. I have only "dated" two people in SL, and the man I "left" for Troy no longer plays the game or is now using an Alt who I don't know. I never had to deal with him in that awkward post break-up way--forced pleasantries, smoldering resentments, passive-aggressive jealousies, redefining boundaries...all that. So, erm, yeah, I'm no expert on SL ex's. (RL, now, THAT is another story...but not one for this blog).

So, what pontificating can I do? I think one of the trickiest part of navigating through SL with an ex (or more) lurking about might be if the Great Divide between SL and RL has been breached. Once you let someone into your RL, it's not quite as easy as deleting a name from a Friends List and hitting "Mute" on a profile. Many SL residents are also engaged in relationships that might get them into a fair bit of RL trouble, and crossing that divide can potentially threaten established RL relationships. Even if the divide stays firmly intact, the heart doesn't differentiate SL and RL. My profile once stated "Hearts broken in SL are also broken in RL." I think that says it all. I guess the question becomes...why do we put ourselves out there, taking the 'virtual' risk for RL trouble and heartache? Yes, that IS the question, isn't it?

And for that, I have no answers...or too many answers...or answers that contradict...or I need another cup of coffee and it's time to end this rambling.

not a hallmark card, but...

Troy and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary on June 13. :D

Happy Belated Anniversary, hun!!

xoxoxoxoxox

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Stalker

Okay, so, it's been awhile. The last two months of my RL have been so amazingly shitty...I can't even begin to go into it. Suffice it to say that I'm not the same person that I was, that I suffered a very unexpected loss, and that I'm seeing things very differently (which, like most things, is both good and bad). A very sincere thank you to Troy for being my rock, as always. I do not know what I would do without you. You are an amazing friend.

This is a series on the way love is 'played' out in SL that I started long, long ago...and it's been over a month since my last entry. This one is particularly pointless, but it's the best I can do.

I remember the good ole days...stalking involved prank phone calls, driving past someone's house, friends' houses, place of employment, bars he or she might frequent...it was authentic, and it required actual effort. These days, stalking is done electronically from the comfort of one's own home...facebook, myspace, blogs, twitter, IM, email, texting...and then there's SL.

There are two basic types of stalkers: the ex and the never-was. The ex, pathetically, can't or won't move on, and resorts to cyber-stalking in an effort to stay relevant, to continue to be a topic of conversation, to maintain the connection with their former love. Rehashing things on one's blog, making snide comments on facebook, (or in SL, on one's profile), popping online as soon as you do--just a few of the ways the stalker tries to stay in the picture.

The never-was is exactly that...someone you never dated who is ALWAYS keeping updated on your activities, always IM'ing you, always there--too friendly, too eager, too creepy.

Lots of folks in SL choose to check the box that keeps their online status hidden to everyone except Friends and Groups...and many times, their groups are also hidden or by invitation only. I wonder...is this because they are the stalker or the stalkee? If you suspect you are being stalked, and you only know the person in SL, you can delete him or her from your friends list, leave all mutual groups, check the aforementioned box, and move on. If you've let that person into your RL, then, you've got all the other avenues of contact to deal with. I know this is another reason people pick up Alts in SL...avoiding the stalker (or is it to become the stalker?) :P

I don't have much else to say on this topic. Having been stalked by an ex in RL, in a situation that became very scary, the concept of cyber-stalking seems pretty lame to me. I know it's hard to let go of the ex or the never-was, but sometimes, a clean break is the best way to heal and....



Next time: The Exes

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Player

Since it's been over two months since I started this "series" as I called it, I thought I should finally get off my virtual ass and write the next segment. Brace yourself to be unimpressed. It's been a tremendously shitty past couple of weeks in my RL, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better anytime soon. Sarcasm and cynicism levels are reaching an all-time high.

The Player:

First off, to define the player, and then to address various ways the Player operates. In my opinion, a Player is someone who thinks virtual sex/intimacy in a virtual world is nothing more than a means to feel better about him or herself in the real world. A Player does not appreciate or respect the fact that each avatar is, in fact, a real human being, bringing real emotions to the grid.

The Method: This is when the lying begins...

There are lots of ways to manipulate, lie, cheat, and hurt someone in SL (just as in RL), but I have tried to distill it down to two categories. The first category is the Alt. Using an Alt to carry on sexual and emotional relationships with more than one resident, a person can lead several partners to believe they are engaged in monogamous SL relationships. The stories of treachery and heartache I've heard of because of the use of alts are just as destructive and devastating as what happens in real life. A broken heart does not differentiate SL/RL.

The other method a Player will use is the exact opposite. This person espouses a personal philosophy of 'free-spiritedness' which includes, as far as I can tell, scanning his or her friend's list every time he or she logs on to see who might like to hang out (and fuck). Everyone is supposed to keep their hearts in check, have a good time, and bed/ball hope with disease-free bliss.

When fuck-buddies are foolish enough to let their hearts get involved, or when the resident with multiple Alts finds his or her partners becoming increasingly suspicious, the Player finds himself in a tricky position. Cut & run (which would be a tremendous gift to the other partners) or try to juggle a handful of hearts? Excuses, unexplained absences, E-mails and IM's that somehow never arrive, blaming online/offline status discrepancies on SL 'glitches', claims to have missed online notifications...the ways the Player will try to keep everybody happy, satisfied, and in the dark are as hopeless as they are lame.

Whether in SL or RL, the victims of the Player, ultimately, must find the strength to say good-bye. There's an old saying that the former US president had some trouble with..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And that's exactly right. If you think some jackass is screwing around on you, dump him or her and move on. Period. If you know some jackass is screwing around on you, then every minute you continue to stay in that relationship eats away at your self-esteem. To stay is as stupid as it is self-destructive. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The question is, why give that consent in any circumstance, least of all, a virtual world of anonymity.

In truth, I feel a bit sorry for the Player....substituting virtual sex/intimacy for something real, lying and hurting others in a desperate attempt to feel relevant or needed...it's pretty pathetic. The defect, of course, is obvious. The path of destruction runs both ways. Karma (and this I know from experience) is a cold-hearted bitch who will win every single time.

Next time: The Stalker