To SLove or Not to SLove: The Partners

Installment number two examining the various ways SL residents handle affairs of the heart. Yes, I've got a lot of free time. :P

The Partners:

When I first joined SL, I marveled at the notion of SL residents partnering. I may even have laughed at their folly and uttered the world 'never.' My, how times have changed. :P

For a mere 10L, you and your SL sweetie can show the world how you feel via the Profile Partner Box. While some residents view partnering as the equivalent of marriage in SL, others treat it as 'going steady' or the facebook designation 'in a relationship with.' Still others seem to do it because they like spending 10L on a whim.

It is certainly possible to be monogamous in SL without being partnered, but for those who take it seriously, adding someone's name to a profile box shows the rest of SL the two people involved have attained some element of exclusivity in their online relationship. It sends a definite message.

Or does it?

For a slightly higher, but still damn cheap, fee of 25L, you can once again announce to the world you've had a change of 'heart.'

I'm not sure if LL has done a statistical analysis, but I'd ballpark the average SL partnership at lasting less than a month or two. Granted, time is SL does this virtual compression-thing, but even by Hollywood standards, a month is pretty pathetic, especially if you aren't picking up his dirty socks or listening to him snore.

Though my partner will deny it, he, in fact, proposed to me. I don't know which one of us was more shocked by his actions. We don't call it a marriage--we both have RL spouses. We didn't have a wedding ceremony; we didn't have an officiate; we don't have an SL marriage certificate. For us, it's a best friend/partnership that also shows the rest of SL that we are exclusive. He's one of my very best friends, in both lives, and I'm proud to call him my partner, even if it's only in a pixelated fantasy-land.

One of the most complex aspects of SL partnering involves residents who are monogamous or married (to someone other than their SL partners) in real life. There are two primary views regarding SLove and married-in-RL implications.

The first is that it's cheating. A few months ago, a friend and fellow blogger published a very good piece on the subject of SL partnerships focusing on the ethics when the people involved have real life spouses. Her stance was that if you are married/monogamous in RL and you engage in SL romance, you are cheating on your real life spouse/partner. I believe she made some very good points, but I also believe that her views do not take into account the fact that every RL relationship is unique, and what works for some does not work for others.

The second view, and the one I believe many in SL use to justify their behavior, is that because SL relationships are 'virtual' they do not constitute real life infidelity. By this definition, the sex has to be real in order for cheating to have occurred. In other words, if you aren't staying late after work to make out with a co-worker, or having a fling on your business trip, and it all stays online, you've not broken your RL vows. I believe this view discounts or ignores the very real emotional impact of online relationships. However, this view does suggest, and I agree, that it's not entirely reasonable to expect all your emotional needs to be fulfilled by one person, for ever. Let's not forget that marriage is a social construct designed to stabilize a society and make sure children are well cared-for. Monogamy is not the biological imperative.

Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

In my opinion, a resident who dates or is married in SL can be accused of cheating on the real life partner only if the resident hides his/her activities from the RL partner. If the RL spouse is aware of, or has made known that he or she does not care/is not threatened by what happens online, then I do not view that situation as cheating. So, ask yourself...If your RL spouse wouldn't like what you are doing and/or considers it cheating, then aren't you cheating? By the same token, if your RL spouse knows what you are doing and/or doesn't care, then I say, you're in the clear. ;))

Partners are motivated out of love, desire, friendship, and the willingness to take their relationship to the next level. The problems with SL partnerships are many. First of all, the lack of real human contact makes any SL intimate relationship inherently limiting. Ball-hopping and xcite aren't even in the same universe as flesh on flesh.

Second, thanks to alts, TPs and IM, cheating is practically impossible to discover, and paranoia about that fact runs rampant.

Finally, if half of all real marriages end in divorce, what percentage of SL partnerships last forever? What constitutes forever in SL, anyway?

There are three possible outcomes for every SL partnership: the couple breaks up in SL, the couple hooks up in RL, or one or both of the individuals stop logging into SL. I guess that would be the equivalent of "till death us do part" rather "till disinterest in SL us do part."

It's a complicated mess, as anyone who's ever partnered with the best of intentions can attest. Throw into the mix the RL crossover, and, well, you can find yourself in murky and sometimes painful waters, indeed.

I wouldn't change one single thing in how life with Troy and Lissa has turned out, and I hope that it is eventual disinterest in SL by one or both of us, and not disinterest in our friendship, that spells the end for Troy and Lissa.

Next time: The Player

(and I greatly prefer Norris Shepherd's version of this song...but this is a great Canadian band and a gorgeous song)

To SLove or Not to SLove: That is the Question

This is the first in what is likely to be a thought-provoking and philosophical look at romance in SL. :P I've come up with a set of categories defining the various stances residents take when it comes to romance in SL. I'll define and explain each one in a separate entry. Thoughts and opinions expressed are based on personal experience, the experiences of my close friends (who shall remain nameless) and the great torrent of annoying gossip in which SL is awash. And, when necessary, I'll just make up something to prove my point...should I have one.

The SLelibate:

Probably fairly obvious...this is someone who chooses NOT to engage in romantic relationships in SL at all. Reasons for this may vary. Some residents who are married or involved in a monogamous relationship in real life view SL romance as a form of cheating, and they choose not to date in SL for that reason. Others have tried SL dating, found it horrendous, heart-breaking, and pointless, and have subsequently sworn off romance 'forever.' Still others can't get past the silliness of cyber sex or online dating, prefer their intimacy to be a little more 'real,' and focus their energies on other things while in SL.

The SLelibate often enjoys walking the line, I've noticed. I've also noticed a hint of moral superiority amongst them. Not that I blame them. I've frequently thought that the slogan of SL should be 'Helping you Relive the Drama & Angst of High School since 2003.' To purposely remove oneself from that scene is certainly a smart move. :P



Next time: The Partners...

changes coming

The metaphors of spring and the accompanying rebirth are often used in literature and poetry. As the trees, plants, birds, and animals rise up from frozen ground and transform themselves, humans can't help but be moved by the power and beauty of it.

When I see that first hint of green in the fields of brown that surround my house, I too find myself more energetic, more hopeful, more eager to embrace challenges rather than run from them. I begin making mental lists about what needs changed, done, repaired--the things I've ignored all winter or been unable to face. In the winter, seems like most of my mental energy gets taken up dealing the short, cold days and very long, cold nights.

So, here's to spring, to new life, to the promise of renewal, to positive energy, and long sunny days ahead.

looking for a sign...

When your best friend/sweetie and your favorite SL live musician both complain to you on the same day that you need to do something with that blog that's going nowhere...you see it as a sign, right? Now, there's just the matter of a topic that's meaningful...

First of all, I got to see Norris perform this evening. It had been way too long!!! Wonderful, as always. Saw some familiar faces, including a bearded Mason...and Norris as a sort of Noob-Wookie/beaver-looking critter...the venue was mini-friendly, nicely done...the Mini Bar. It's especially entertaining when Norris has been into the wine...tonight, he was alternating wine and tea...works for me. hehe Though, I do prefer a refreshing beer myself.

So, maybe I'll try to post more often. Maybe I'll think of something witty to say.

Maybe. :P

peace

Congrats to my Sweetie!!!

For anyone reading this blog who doesn't already know, my sweetie Troy was hired this week to DJ at Sanctuary Rock!!!! WooT!!! Congrats Hun!!! I'm very proud of you!!! :))))) xoxoxox

That makes three clubs where you can find him (and therefore me) every week--the Colosseum of Rock, Freakheim Funeral Home, and Sanctuary Rock.

If you haven't made it to one of his sets, then why the hell not? :P