The Great Divide

Still Here?

2010-06-04T00:00:00.003-05:00

I have not posted to The Great Divide in two months because, for the most part, I haven't been in SL much at all. Troy & I moved, again, to a cheaper place yet, because we just don't log in enough to justify something expensive, but we both want a home to share. So, other than pulling everything from the old place and rezzing it at the new one, I've only managed to log on to catch the occasional Norris show.

The other reason I haven't posted here is that I've started a new blog, but not an SL blog...a RL blog. *gasps* So, that's where my writing time goes these days.

The final reason is that I'm busy as hell right now. The boy is out of preschool for the summer, and I'm doing my very first fruit & veggie garden. I had no idea how much work such a little plot of land could be, but I'm finding out.

At any rate, I'm still around and I'm doing well.

peace & have a great summer!

Sagittaria Falling

2010-03-29T23:36:00.003-05:00

The First three shots are Chiron Towers, where Troy & I lived last year. I think between the two of us, we lived on every sim in the entire estate, but mostly, we were at Nunki Kai.

This was Troy's place at Nunki Kai before the sim wipe.

And this is the exact same shot afterward. Thank goodness I didn't crash!

Fortunately for SL, Bill isn't leaving the grid entirely, just massively scaling back his time commitments. I look forward to seeing what he does if/when he finds more time to devote in-world.

Out With a Bang

2010-03-29T12:33:00.011-05:00

As mentioned in a previous post, Bill Stirling closed Sagittaria Estates over the weekend. Not one to do a simple "Take" of the thousands of build-components in the various sims, Bill decided to do an actual demolition, and he told group members about it in advance.

I logged on very late Saturday night to find the sims of Nunki Kai engulfed in thunder & lightning. Also, for the first (I'd guess only) time, Flight was enabled. I flew around the sims to see the apartments knocked to the ground, fires smoldering, and a few dragons wreaking havoc.

After the dragons & Bill knocked down each sim's biggest structures, they did a sim wipe. In one massive stroke of the mouse, every single thing on the sim disappeared. In addition to nearly crashing SL for me each time it happened, I was struck with the tremendous sense of impermanence the command created, not that any of us need to be reminded of that, in SL or RL.

Bill left the Nunki Kai sim to the very last, as it was the first sim he created. This was the sim Troy lived on when I first met him, and fittingly, it was the sim where we were living when Bill announced the closing. I chose to go stand on Troy's old deck as they did the final sim wipe. One second it was there, and all the memories along with it, and the next, the sim was nothing but land. Of course, the memories remain.

We experience time in a linear fashion, only moving 'forward.' We remember the past but not the future, an interesting point raised by quantum physicists, science fiction writers, & theologians alike. The future is there in the same way the past is, with one important distinction. The future is filled with waves of possibility, and because our choices haven't been made...anything could happen. So, annoyingly, we can't see the future the way we see the past.

Waxing philosophical is a sure sign this entry is finished. I will be uploading a few pics from the demolition, as soon as blogger starts cooperating. They don't do justice to how cool it actually looked, though.

Waiting for Spring to, erm, "Spring"

2010-03-17T23:14:00.003-05:00

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Wait, did someone else already say that? Perhaps. At any rate, that's been my 2010 so far.

Though I'm still recovering from some personal losses, I did manage to pull myself up out of my funk to organize a surprise birthday for my mom, who hit a milestone year in February. I have never thrown a surprise party for anyone, and now I know why! I organized twenty-some guests, secured a restaurant, picked hors d'oeuvres, ordered a gourmet cake, chose flowers, purchased decorations, hid/entertained surprise guests in my home until party time, and decorated the restaurant. All would have been for nothing, except that I also managed to lie, rather spectacularly, to my mom, so that when I led her into the room and everyone yelled 'surprise' the look on her face was infinitely worth the time, effort, and worry that someone would accidentally spoil the whole thing. It went off without a hitch!

Of course, the tears she, her sister, and an old friend she hadn't seen in years all shed confirmed to me it was a huge hit! That, and her continued threats to kick my ass. hehehe It was easily one of the nicest things I've ever done for anyone, and though the party was weeks ago, there is still a happier tone in her voice than I've heard in a long time. She later told her sister that we couldn't have any idea what that evening meant to her, and that means everything to me.

So, turns out, doing something truly nice for someone else makes you feel pretty damn good. I guess you could file that one under 'no shit.'

In other, actually related to SL news, Bill Stirling is closing Sagittaria Estates, where Troy and I have lived off and on (currently on) for over 3 years. Unlike when Xavier Hathaway closed St. Lucia Properties, Bill gave us two-plus weeks notice, will be refunding our rent, and is helping residents find new places to live. He's a class-act, a brilliant estate developer, and I look forward to the return of Sagittaria Estates someday when his RL allows it.

We did manage to find a very nice place in one of Bill's smaller sims that he's keeping, and as Troy knows, decorating a new place is one of my favorite SL pastimes!

So, Spring is teasing us, and all I want is to sit on the deck with a beer in hand, watching my husband grill lots of very-bad-for-you meat on the grill, while the kiddo runs around the yard.

C'mon Spring, quit being such a bitch.

touch of grey

2010-02-13T11:11:00.002-06:00

It's hard to NOT talk about something that has so profoundly affected my life, something that has completely broken my heart twice now in ten months, something that most of the people in my RL don't even know about. I have tried to keep a strong distinction between what Lissa talks about here and what Melissa experiences in her life. I've tried to relate everything back to SL.

The trouble is, this blog is the closest thing I have to a journal, and I've always felt that it was a sort of online journal. Funnily, I've kept a diary since I was eight years old, but I stopped journaling when my son was born (almost four years ago!). So, this blog has been where a lot of my philosophical ramblings have come to roost. Except, sometimes, life takes my philosophy and incinerates it.

How much more vague can I get? Suffice to say that even the most charmed life, which I certainly lead, can be laced, sometimes fully submerged, in a grief so deep that it isn't even considered appropriate to talk about. I've hoped for good news to proudly post here. I've had none to post.

As they say, third time's a charm. I hope like hell that 'they' are right.

newbie, newbie...oh no, you gotta go now....

2010-01-08T15:24:00.011-06:00

Another cool idea swiped from Guen's blog...a sort of Then & Now...Evolution of an Avatar...

This look is entirely made up of freebies, save for the 10L hair (Heather from Calico Creations)that a friend lent me the Lindens for...otherwise, it's all freebies baby, can ya tell? There's a huge freebie mall called The Freebie Store, and that's where old SL designers (and wannabe designers) go to die. I got a lot of items from that place. This is how I looked the night Troy & I met at a live music show at LINC island, which was less than a month after I came to SL.

And here is the current look I'm sporting. I don't change clothes very often now that I'm no longer Hosting. Hair from Cross, skin from Tuli, shape from Platinum World, top from UK Couture, jewelry from JCNY, tats from Collisions (unseen ;), bangles from Snatch, boots from Reboot, and LX jeans.

If I were feeling really brave, I'd post the pic of what Lissa looked like before she found the freebie skin, but if you've ever seen a kid's drawing of a very pale, blond lady, you have the idea. ;)

Stay warm out there...baby, it's cold outside.

I Have...I Have Never...

2010-01-04T15:49:00.002-06:00

Another great idea for a blog taken from Guen's, who in turn got it from another blog I'm not that familiar with...it's a list of things you either have done or have never done in SL. I have no idea where this one is going to go. I'm quite sure I can't do all 20 one way or the other, so I'm going to go back and forth as things come to me.

1). I have learned more about Gor than I ever wanted to know.
2). I have discovered some completely amazing live music in SL.
3). I have built a few things, not good, not marketable, but fun & challenging nonetheless.
4). I have been an editor for an in-world journal that just barely failed to see the light of day.
5). I have been lied to.
6). I have lied.
7). I have taken eight SL friendships into RL with no regrets.
8). I have been briefly employed IRL as a writer/editor due to a friendship that began in SL.
9). I have worked as a host & dancer at four SL clubs.
10). I have lived alone on my own island.
11). I have lived with Troy on our own island.
12). I have lived in apartments & houses on land, but I can't stand skyboxes.
13). I have never, and I will never 'own' property in SL.
14). I have spent more money than I would like to know on clothes, boots, jewelry, hair...
15). I have never understood how some people can be in SL 24/7, even at the height of my SL addiction.
16). I have been blogging about SL for more than a year, despite never having anything to say.
17). I have never been impressed with or drawn to people who act like bitches and/or assholes in SL. They are, in my opinion, the most profoundly insecure of them all.
18). I have gotten a bit more computer savvy as a result of my time in SL...but just a bit.
19). I have never, ever run SL on anything other than a laptop.
20). I have never friended an SL avatar on my RL facebook page(lissa does not have a facebook or myspace page, nor will she)...except for one person who should feel deeply honored. :P

Well, that didn't take as long as I thought. Interesting what occurs to you when it's off the cuff.
peace

hell's bells

2010-01-02T13:43:00.003-06:00

Just popped over to Guen's blog to read her latest, only to see she's taking down her main store at the Freakheim sim. Though I don't have the creative investment, nor the many hours working at that sim that Guen does, I'm still filled with a tinge of sadness that it is closing. Rykk & Co. gave me one of my first hosting jobs at Freakheim, and that's where Troy got his start DJing. I always felt welcome there, and local chat was not something to ignore!

Kaedy has such an amazing eye for design, and I always loved the sim, but never more so than a little over a year ago when she decorated the club for the reception Troy & I held after we partnered. Troy dedicated a DJ set to me (with the songs starting sweet & romantic but gradually becoming more...hmmm, well, those who know Troy won't have trouble figuring out the direction he took the songs...lmao) and then Norris Shepherd took the stage. Troy and I danced, friends snapped pics and sent them to us, friends stopped by to wish us well...it was my favorite day in SL.

So, let's see, the first home Troy & I shared no longer exists, nor does that entire rental/ownership group. We've moved three times since we were forced to leave that estate, and we've found ourselves back in a cozy (aka inexpensive) little home on the water's edge at Nunki Kai. We've both quit all our jobs in SL, and we've yet to manage any quality time there since our last shift together before the end of November! Why, you might be asking, am I whining? Do I have a point? No, not really. :P It's sort of leading up to something, though, and here it is. Try to keep up with my digressions...in my fuzzy mind, it all comes together nicely.

As a general rule, I can't stand those CSI-type shows. I think as a culture, we've become so desensitized to suffering, violence, and death that the crimes depicted (the dead bodies nothing more than props--distraught family members quickly ushered into another room) become ever more disgustingly horrific to keep watchers interested. Criminal Minds is one of the most intensely disturbing of the genre. I used to love it, but the criminals, the crimes, the level of degradation the writers seem compelled to show for 'entertainment'-- I just can't stomach it anymore. At any rate, I caught the last ten minutes of an episode last week waiting for the nightly news. One character always does a voice-over at the end, oftentimes quoting something from politics, science, or literature that relates to the case. I'd never heard this quotation before, but I've since slapped it on my facebook profile and lissa's as well. As the new year is upon us, as we reflect on the past and look forward to the future, I am drawn to this quotation not because it scares me, but because it challenges me. I hope it does the same for you.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
~Helen Keller

16,653 down to 3

2010-01-01T16:42:00.006-06:00

I caught this cool blog idea off some friends' blogs, and I did not have to think for three seconds to choose my items...despite the impressive size (we all know size DOES matter) of my inventory, my beloved hair from Cross, my kickass tats from Guen, my bitchin' boots from Reboot & Whittenton's, nothing compares to these three items.

One of the very first gifts Troy ever gave me was a menu-driven necklace and matching earring set from JCNY. It's a sweet set, and you can customize the metal and the stones (not to mention turn off that asinine bling).

The second item is the invitation Troy made for our partnering reception. He did it 100% on his own, and when he showed it to me that first time, I must admit my eyes welled with tears (but don't tell him, that...wouldn't want him to get a big head). ;)

And, finally, the ring Troy gave me when we bought our matching set for our partnering. Given the somewhat non-traditional aspect of our entire relationship (for example, his rl wife and I are fb friends and love to send each other stuff from all those time-wasting apps!), I was actually really surprised that he wanted the ring...but, of course, so did I. :D

So, almost 17K items (neatly sorted into folders and sub-folders, thank you very much), only three matter, only three make my SL worthwhile, and only three cannot be replaced.

Happy New Year, again! :P

a few more group spaces in the 'ole profile! ;)

2009-12-31T17:39:00.006-06:00

Yesterday, I was hella busy IRL recovering from a week's worth of house guests and trying to get ready for tonight. Though Troy & I keep in touch all day long via email & IM, he'd told me he was in SL at Sanctuary Rock enjoying the lag, wondering if I could make it. He didn't stay long, and I couldn't get there before he logged off. As my favorite uncle the cowboy loves to say 'damn the luck.'

I was, however, able to log onto SL earlier in the day in order to tender my official resignation to Tempest & Nessa. I was sorry to do it, but I really think it's for the best right now. I do love Sanctuary Rock, and I certainly don't discount the possibility that I might return some day--I just don't have the time right now. It's a great club filled with dedicated folks who make it truly unique & kickass!!! Cheers to you all!

Happy New Year! ;)

here's the deal

2009-12-26T00:27:00.004-06:00

Firstly, a belated Merry Christmas and a very safe & happy New Year's to anyone who might read this! I've been busy as hell IRL since thanksgiving, having a great time with family & friends, but working on a pretty high stress level. This has definitely been the best holiday season since my parents divorced 14 years ago. Having kiddos really does give you a whole new perspective of Christmas--cliched but true.

So, I got an email from my SL rental group letting me know the rent on the place where Troy and I live is up in a week. We generally pay 4-6 weeks at a time, so these messages are helpful. Anyway, I just now logged on to cap off the rent...and I could not remember my SL password.

Troy stopped DJing around Thanksgiving, and I quit hosting at the same time. Since then, we've hardly logged onto SL at all...not even on our one year partnering anniversary (Happy Belated Anniversary, hun). My relationship with Troy is so much deeper than SL, and has been for so long. I did think, when we decided to quit our jobs, that perhaps I'd try to come back to hosting after the craziness of the holidays passed.

So, I couldn't remember my password? I think that's my answer, right there. SL is a gorgeous world, and I will never 'leave' (I always chuckle when people make big pronouncements about "leaving SL") but it's clear hosting is not a very big part of my life right now. Could that change? Of course. I leave all options open. Do I think it's likely? Not particularly.

The whole reason Troy and I stopped working was to make sure any free online time we had was spent doing stuff we wanted, and I think, now more than ever, what we want in SL is just to log on and have fun, hang out with friends, listen to music, and chill together.

Anyway, it's hella late, and I've got house guests who are going to want fed in the morning.

Stay warm and toasty. :D
peace

Time for a Change

2009-12-05T12:23:00.003-06:00

Troy & I have gone back & forth over the last year (yes, our one year partnering anniversary is coming up Dec. 13!) debating/regretting/looking forward to how much time we spend in SL, and what we do with that time. It's not a matter of 'leaving' SL, but just an acknowledgement that it no longer fills whatever need it once did, is no longer as fun as it once was. As such, Troy has decided to give up DJing, and I'm no longer hosting at Sanctuary Rock or C.O.R., and Rykk & Kaedy are closing Freakheim soon.

After the first of the year, Troy & I are going to decide if we miss working, and if so, one or both of us will probably return in some fashion. If not, we'll simply use the limited time we have in SL as OUR time, hanging out with friends, listening to other DJ's we like, and getting to more live shows.

Oh, and 19 shopping days to Christmas, and I've purchased a total of TWO gifts...so, erm, you know what the next few weeks hold for me. In "wtf were you thinking?" news, I've decided to host my in-laws for Christmas this year...which will mean cramming upwards of 13 people in our tiny house, and then FEEDING them. I know 13 isn't a lot, but it is when you only cook for three. *insert panicky sigh here* I wonder how much a keg would cost. I think it would be cheaper than how many bottles of beer it's going to take to get me through the event.

In the midst of the materialism of the holiday season, let's not forget one of the reasons for the season. The birth of a man who had the radical idea to love your enemies, heal the sick, feed the poor, take care of the elderly, and never pass up a glass of wine.

peace

A Reason for Giving Thanks

2009-11-24T17:37:00.003-06:00

You can run, but you can't hide. The holidays are here!

The 'official' start of the holiday season (in the US) is this week with Thanksgiving. A holiday shared in many cultures across many centuries, in one form or another. The growing season at an end, the harvests completed, stores of food to last a brutal winter, and a big party to celebrate and brace for the difficult months to come. Historically, in the US, it's tied to the first pilgrims and their rather miraculous survival (with the help of those who were already here). It didn't become an official holiday here until the 1940's, I think. But the heart of Thanksgiving is to be thankful for life, health, food, family, and friends.

This is a hard time of year for many folks, myself included. Things have changed for me in recent months...a devastating loss, and then a slow but steady path back towards healing. Of course, there's also a little blond boy who rules my world--he has certainly helped to bring back a sense of wonder to my Christmas spirit.

For the past month, I've used my status updates in facebook to express what I'm thankful for each day. It's been a great deal of fun...I've given thanks for the simplest things, a pretty day, a good cup of coffee, a talk with a friend, and I've given thanks for my husband, my son, and my incredibly blessed life.

The habit of giving thanks is a sure road to happiness. The more you stop and see what you *have* rather than what you don't, the more you count your blessings and the happier you become. Well, it works for me anyway.

So, I'd like to wish a Happy Thanksgiving to any American followers, and to anyone else who happens to stumble along, have a good holiday season. :D

peace

46 days till WHAT?

2009-11-09T09:36:00.002-06:00

So, I'm doing my daily ritual of facebooking, and someone sends me some new app thingy that tells me it's 46 days until Christmas. Although I own many calendars, including the one that bosses me around all day long on my blackberry, I still managed to be surprised. The number of presents I've purchased? zero The number of christmas cards I've purchased? zero The number of lists (I LOVE the lists) designed to get my arse in gear? zero *reaches for pen and paper to begin list number ONE*

But before the insanity of an over-commercialized, highly inebriated christmas, we've got to get through Thanksgiving. My husband is working that wednesday, thursday, and friday, and my mom and I are planning a road trip with my son down to OK to see some relatives. This should be very interesting. (that's code for 'wtf was I thinking agreeing to go without my husband?')

In my youth, my family was tightly knit...holidays were passed together, with kids sleeping on floor while the adults laughed into the early morning playing cards. Cancer, death, divorce, & MUCH relocating have since intervened. My son won't get to experience these big family events, not in the same way, not the Norman Rockwell perfection I clearly remember. *sighs* So, I pack up the kiddo and head south, trying to recreate some of that 'spirit of things past' for my son. Wish me luck.

'Tis the season...let's try for peace.

two favorite quotations...

2009-10-30T11:39:00.003-05:00

One of my most annoying habits is using other people's words (via essays, novels, poems, or songs) to express how I feel. I guess a lifetime studying literature will do that for you. Two quotations stand out, have stood out to me, in recent days with all the changes at Sanctuary Rock, changes with old friends & lovers (RL), and the place I'm at right now.

I constantly try to practice the art of gratitude...seeing that many of the things I take for granted are actually incredible gifts of fortune...from my home, my husband's job, & our health to something like a washing machine, a good cup of coffee, or a talk with a friend. The curse of Modern Life is that it's too easy...free time is a gift that most do not know how to use (think of the precious hours of your life squandered in front of the television). When not managed properly, with a sense of purpose & urgency, free time allows one to wallow, to become overly introspective, to become weak. I'm not condemning or pointing a finger; I'm speaking from experience.

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) was the wife of US President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Her writings, her activism, her sense of purpose remain inspirations for many still. These are my two favorite statements pulled from her writings.

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

I italicized the second sentence because the implications of it are so powerful to me...it's about challenging yourself, fighting chaos, fighting inertia, & recognizing the time is NOW, and excuses are the surest paths to regret. I'd rather regret the things I did yet failed at than regret NOT doing the things I was too afraid to try. If that makes sense?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "

This is probably the way I try to look at every encounter with someone who *seems* to have more than me. Humans are insecure by nature, and no one has the market cornered on feeling sorry for oneself. While some like to beat the "we are all alone" drum, I acknowledge our isolation, but I take solace in the shared needs, the need for love, acceptance, purpose, strength, and laughter.

That's enough philosophical ranting for one day. I suppose the final need, laughter, is the most important to me. If this life is a tragedy, (and it IS going to end badly for us all), then it's the laughs along the way that I need most.

peace

things that make you go hmmm....

2009-10-25T23:49:00.003-05:00

At the height of my SL addiction, I was logging at least 2 or 3 hours every day online. That's no longer the case. Primarily because of changes in my RL, my time in SL has dwindled significantly over the past year. I probably don't log much more than 7 or 8 hours a week in SL these days, and 5 of those are working or getting ready for a shift. Another reason for the change is that SL is no longer my first choice when I have free time, or even free time on the computer (thanks facebook!). To say I'm 'out of the loop' when it comes to the SL gossip mill is a rather dramatic understatement (and one I'm grateful for!).

So, a lot of stuff that I don't have a clue about happened this weekend at Sanctuary Rock, and the result is that a group of people left the club entirely. I didn't know either mOxi or Eme that well, but of the few interactions I did have with them, I don't have a single negative thing to say. They were nice, helpful, & professional. My relationships with Leetah & V, however, certainly affected my day-to-day life in SL.

Leetah hired and trained me as a host. She is kind, funny, laid back, supportive, professional, and she was a great boss. We never developed much more than a working relationship, but it was a good one because of her managerial style. I am certainly sad to see her go.

Veronica is one of the few people in SL I actually consider a friend. I think we tend to view things in a similar way, and we really enjoy just having fun & being goofy in Local chat, especially with Jopps & Troy. We flirt, we tease, we laugh. My favorite shifts hosting at SR were the ones she and Jopps attended. And, she's gone.

I don't know what happened between the managers at SR, and frankly, that's the way I prefer it. But, I am sad to see good people who poured a great deal of time & energy into SR go, especially since it seems the vibe/morale is pretty bad right now. I wish the new managers (and those old managers in new positions) all the best. Continuity is a rare bird in SL, but a club like SR needs it to survive. The concepts of a fun atmosphere and a sense of family at the club, well, those concepts are what make any club (SL or RL) a place people want to be--they are the things that make Sanctuary Rock special. I hope the club, and those who are still there, can work to repair the rift that losing these good people has caused.

I guess that's enough pontificating.

peace

missed again!

2009-10-23T15:49:00.004-05:00

This weekend is a second SL Live Musician get-together that I won't be attending. The last one, a few months ago, was in Canada. Since I lack both a passport & the balls to fly, (not to mention ANY spare cash), I knew it was impossible for me to attend. Well, this weekend, some of the best musicians in SL (Norris Shepherd & Max Kleene among them) are once again converging together in a Holiday Inn somewhere in Dallas, TX, and I'm SOOOOOO jealous.

Dallas is maybe an 8-10 drive for me, and I think someday I'm going to really regret not pushing harder to get a sitter for the weekend, a credit card I could charge the whole thing on, & a friend who'd let me drag her down there. Since my husband works most weekends, he could serve as neither caregiver for the kiddo nor road trip buddy. *sighs*

In other, better, news, Troy has picked up a four week gig back at The Colosseum Of Rock starting next Friday, 11 -1 SLT. I'm hoping to host those events for him, and I'm really happy to see him getting excited about DJing again. :D

Oh, and my two year rez date came & went. So much for all the insight, philosophical musings, blah, blah, blah. :P

peace

not quite a month since...

2009-10-12T21:25:00.002-05:00

...my last post ranting about my previous landlords. A few nights after my post, someone from the residence group IM'd me to find out what had happened. She hadn't been in SL in several days, and like many, logged on to find her house gone, and all her stuff mass-dumped into her Lost & Found.

I told her what I knew about St Lucia Properties disappearing, and then she returned the favor. Turns out she knew Xavier and Lexus in RL, or on facebook, etc. They'd both deleted themselves from her facebook account/msn/etc. From what she knew, it seems that they were in dire straits, dealing with RL job loss & bankruptcy. So, I'm not quite as angry about losing $10 in rent. I wish they'd have handled it differently, even if they couldn't/wouldn't refund prepaid rent amounts. But, if it was a choice between taking the linden OR paying the mortgage in RL, I know what I'd have done. So it goes.

Troy & I decided upon a fabulous place at Chiron Towers back in Nunki Kai. I've been having a great time decorating. I also became a Twisted Survivor from the Twisted Hunt!! It's going to take me weeks to open 156 boxes! It's like an SL Twisted Christmas. ha

Then, Troy took two weeks off from SL/djing. Knowing, as I do, the physical struggles he deals with on a daily basis, I wasn't surprised at all. He's burnt out & needs a break. A few days ago, he told me if I left SL, he would follow...that I was the only reason he came there. What's funny is I've said the exact same thing to him.

So, once again, we find ourselves on the precipice of moving our friendship entirely into the realm of RL, which, honestly, is where 95% of it is carried out anyway. Makes me wonder, as always, what any of us (who aren't artists or musicians or entrepreneurs) are doing in SL. Talking fetuses, lame cartoon sex, high school gossip, bullshit drama, and precious time spent staring at a monitor rather than a friend or lover. (sighs whilst humming "we're all crazy now")

peace

Home is Where You Rez It...

2009-09-22T16:46:00.003-05:00

Monday night I logged onto SL to continue my Twisted Hunt (stalling out in the 120's...) only to find my plans quite thwarted. The usually quiet St. Lucia Bay Properties Group IM was buzzing.

I clicked on the tab, assuming someone was throwing a party, needed help with deeding a tv or radio, or was simply bored. What I was able to deduce, after a few questions, is that the owners of St Lucia Bay, Xavier Hathaway & Lexus Daviau, had posted the entire community for sale in an Invite-Only (slumlord) group, picked up every single rent box, deleted all St Lucia Bay residents from their friends' lists, left the St. Lucia Bay Properties Group, and "left" SL, due to a 'family emergency."

They sent NO group notices, they issued NO refunds (Troy and I had five weeks left on our new place that we loved), they gave NO warning to any residents PRIOR to posting the sims for sale. Xavier did send a one sentence IM to a few St. Lucia Bay Residents Monday afternoon, but not to me, and it explained nothing. Everyone generally found out via the Group IM as residents of the first few sims to sell logged on to find their houses gone and all their possessions mass dumped into their Lost & Found folder. They turned to Group IM, and that's when Xavier's actions were discovered. Only one member of the management staff had the courage or decency to answer questions as best she could, and help people with 'deeded to group' items.

Needless to say, former residents of these sims are furious, stunned, and saddened. For Troy & I, the sims held great sentimental value. That's the first place we lived together, that's where we lived when we partnered. Many, many good memories....Gone with the Grid. (okay, so, I haven't lost my sarcastic sense of humor).

There is no legal accountability to Landlords in SL, so it's "Renter Beware." I know that. I also know that SL Landlords have a long & ugly history of buying/selling sims with NO concern for the residents. While commiserating in Group IM, I learned many of my former neighbors have gone through this sort of thing SEVERAL times in SL.

I find the actions of the new owners, deleting people's homes and mass returning their stuff into a jumbled mess in Lost & Found, JUST as rude and thoughtless as what Xavier and Lexus did. Again, no one even bothered to send us a Group Notice. You just logged on & figured it out for yourself.

I'll fill out the LL Complaint form, knowing it will do no good. I already sent Xavier a notecard asking for a rental refund and an explanation. He's not accepted it. I counted him as a friend and an honest businessman. I don't know what the family emergency was, but he had enough time to do many things before he left, but refunds & communicating to former tenants were not his priorities.

So, Troy & I are back at Nunki Kai for the time being, until we figure out what to do. I guess it's a good thing we never got a chance to throw that House Warming Party...

tongue-tied & twisted

2009-09-20T22:34:00.003-05:00

So, when it's been so damn long since you logged in to your blog that you have trouble remember your User ID & password, you know it's time to say something, anything, or take the whole damn thing down. Since I'm far too vain for the latter, I guess I'll bore ya.

Troy & I are doing the Twisted Hunt. It is the first such hunt for both of us, and we're loving/hating it. We're both dangerously OCD, so the *need* to find every damn box will keep us going until the end. We're also both incredibly impatient, which speaks for the 'hating' part.

What I will say is that if you've never done a hunt, start with this one. DV8 is the first stop (and if I knew how to add a slurl, I would...look it up in search in-world, damn it). What I've loved, besides getting great hunt items, is finding these awesome stores & designers that I never would've known about otherwise. If you're tired of your searches for clothing turning up the same results (Naughty Neva...really?) then you are definitely ready for the Twisted Hunt. Do it! Ya know ya wanna...but hurry, it ends the end of September.

I'd like to give major kudos to the Hunt Organizers who staff the Twisted Hunt Group IM, doling out much needed hints. I'd also like to slap the group members who are rude in IM. Some get angry when they don't get their hint right away, or when the hint doesn't help them. Again, really? It's free, it's a *hunt,* and the group moderators are volunteering their time to help us. So, rather than being a jackass, how about some patience & a "thank-you" when someone tries to help you?

Whew, got that off my chest. Okay, what else? Next month is my second rez day in SL, and the first anniversary of this languishing blog. So, erm, that will probably make me all philosophical...you've been warned!

Oh, and damn it, there's another Jam Session with SL Live Musicians, this time in Dallas, Texas October 23-25. I want to go soooooo badly. It's not a very long drive for me. I seriously doubt I find the money OR the childcare to do it, but if you are in the Dallas area, I strongly encourage you to get the details and attend. You can drop me an IM or NC in-world if you're unsure who to contact. I've got the registration info in my inventory. I'm betting Norris has some info on his blog about it, too.

Okay, my beer's getting warm. I gotta cut this short.
peace

A Big Move...

2009-08-15T20:53:00.003-05:00

I will celebrate two years in SL this October, and Troy will celebrate three in December. When I met Troy, he had a great house in the Nunki Kai/Sagittaria Estates. I rented an apartment there for a short time as well. It's a great collection of sims, expertly designed & landscaped, if a bit overcrowded.

When Troy & I decided to move in together last fall, we also decided to make a fresh start in a new place. Troy, with little patience for shopping, entrusted me with the property search. hehe We agreed to rent and not buy, and we had a price range/number of prims in mind. Now, one of my favorite past times in SL is looking at land/residences/estates, so scoping out the grid for our first place together was great, great fun. In my search, I stumbled upon St Lucia Bay Properties, owned by real life husband & wife Xavier Hathaway & Lexus Daviau. That was over a year ago, and though I still sim-surf for properties, I've never found anything with the combination of privacy, attention to detail, value, and management of the St Lucia Properties.

Troy & I also share the characteristic of, shall I say, thriftiness...and as such, we've gone back & forth from the luxury of having a big, private island with lots of prims to the practicality of having a smaller place/rent. As I've previously gone on and on about, we've each had a difficult summer in our RL's. Though we've stayed together, and are stronger for it, it has not been easy for either of us. Today, we decided to treat ourselves to a little something special, and we rented our biggest place yet in St Lucia Bay Properties. It's a stunning home on a little island on the edge of the 11 sim region. I'll post a pic soon, but you can see it on my in-world profile now.

I'd like to say a special thank you to Xavier. He and his wife do a wonderful job managing these sims, and they've recently opened a mall area and nightclub, with great events, live dj's, and contests. As SL landlords, they are readily accessible for problems, they provide excellent customer service (certainly an endangered species in SL) and Xavier has put up with me repeatedly pestering him for almost a year now. Troy & I are very grateful.

I'm looking forward to decorating our new home, and we hope to have a little housewarming party very soon. Today was a good day. :D

peace

"Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

2009-08-08T13:27:00.002-05:00

...it tolls for thee." John Donne

So, it's been one of those seasons. I'm not a macabre person by nature, but I've had my share of illness & death this spring/summer, so death weighs more heavily on my mind than usual. I'm inspired by the courage of those around me who battle illness, and I'm moved to ponder the afterlife.

Ten years ago, my grandmother lost her fight with cancer. I was at her side (as was the rest of the family) when she died. One moment she was there, breathing, crying, talking, and then, she was essentially an inanimate object. I guess that's why some refer to the body as a shell that houses spirit/consciousness. I do not believe in the pearly gates of the judeo-christian heaven, but I DO believe that her essence, her love, her energy, they had to go someplace, right? I remember asking myself "Where did all the love she held in her heart go?"

The summer preceding her death, I had an "intuitive portrait" done by a mystic/seer. I wasn't entirely certain how much I believed in such a gift, but the things this woman knew, such as I disliked cats and loved dogs, was a night person, liked birds, had taught/would return to teaching (right on both counts), it made a believer out of me. The kicker was that this woman "saw" my Native American spirit guide. Mind you, this was the middle of winter, I was as pale as could be, blond hair, blue eyes...and she saw the guide...a female ancestor who watches over me. hmmm

I sat down to write this blog entry in a moment of inspiration, presumably with a point. Said point has since eluded me. Maybe the thoughts of my grandmother's death, this spirit guide, and my own recent experiences are connected? Maybe whatever was going to tie it all together for me will come back to me...or maybe the connection is the point. I've not had enough coffee to go further than that.

peace

Why Everything Sucks...

2009-08-04T00:17:00.004-05:00

I adore him, and he's so damn right...

In a completely unrelated point, I'm going to rant about a huge pet peeve of mine, and that's a person's inability to see the 'big picture' because he or she is too mired down in petty selfishness. I guess I feel I've gotten an ass-kicking worth of perspective this summer, and I'm still working through it. Two RL friends of mine both lost their younger brother within a day of each other. One was 30, and the other was 26; one had a very rare medical condition, and the other had a car accident. Both left behind grieving families, and one leaves behind a widow and two small children. My RL sis is battling cancer, a best friend from high school battles MS. Real struggles, real heartache, real tragedy.

Then I look at all the trivial ways people manage to feel sorry for themselves, all the energy they spend nursing old wounds or manipulating or hating, and I just wonder if that's really all they have to do with their time--because our time is in damn short supply. I'm not what you'd call an optimist, but one thing I try to practice is the art of gratitude. I'm thankful for my health. I'm thankful that the people I love are still with me. But, I am tired of other people's selfish bullshit, and I wish they'd spend as much energy being grateful for what they have as they spend bitching about what they don't.

things can only get better...right?

2009-07-21T11:38:00.004-05:00

This has not been a good summer for myself or for Troy, not in terms of SL, but in terms of RL. I'm not talking 'gosh, I wish I had a different job, could lose some weight, could buy a new car' but serious loss and illness. We've both scaled back our SL time, cut some online commitments, and tried to focus on healing. I'm tired of bad things happening to us. I know all of life is a cycle, with ups and downs, but the downs are really starting to add up.

The only positive thing I can see is that despite all that we've been through, Troy and I have been through it together. It's no lie to say we've each gone through hell for the other over the past (almost) two years of friendship and seven months of partnering. That's something, something pretty damn significant. We're still together, still providing support for the rough times in RL, and a little bit of relief when we meet up in SL.

The other, much much happier reason for this entry is to highlight some amazing events in Live Music this weekend. Norris Shepherd, Max Kleene, Jase Branner, and Mash Rhodes are just a few of the SL musicians who will be meeting up this weekend in Montreal, with a full day of concerts scheduled together. It's going to be completely amazing. I'm pasting in the link from Norris's blog with a list of show times. You should absolutely, positively, without question attend a show. :D

http://www.norrisshepherd.com/?p=112

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Ex's

2009-07-03T11:18:00.002-05:00

I don't know why I decided to address this particular issue in my series--many SL bloggers have shared their experiences with us, showing firsthand the pain SL brings when things don't work out. I have only "dated" two people in SL, and the man I "left" for Troy no longer plays the game or is now using an Alt who I don't know. I never had to deal with him in that awkward post break-up way--forced pleasantries, smoldering resentments, passive-aggressive jealousies, redefining boundaries...all that. So, erm, yeah, I'm no expert on SL ex's. (RL, now, THAT is another story...but not one for this blog).

So, what pontificating can I do? I think one of the trickiest part of navigating through SL with an ex (or more) lurking about might be if the Great Divide between SL and RL has been breached. Once you let someone into your RL, it's not quite as easy as deleting a name from a Friends List and hitting "Mute" on a profile. Many SL residents are also engaged in relationships that might get them into a fair bit of RL trouble, and crossing that divide can potentially threaten established RL relationships. Even if the divide stays firmly intact, the heart doesn't differentiate SL and RL. My profile once stated "Hearts broken in SL are also broken in RL." I think that says it all. I guess the question becomes...why do we put ourselves out there, taking the 'virtual' risk for RL trouble and heartache? Yes, that IS the question, isn't it?

And for that, I have no answers...or too many answers...or answers that contradict...or I need another cup of coffee and it's time to end this rambling.

not a hallmark card, but...

2009-06-17T23:43:00.003-05:00

Troy and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary on June 13. :D

Happy Belated Anniversary, hun!!

xoxoxoxoxox

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Stalker

2009-06-17T23:01:00.008-05:00

Okay, so, it's been awhile. The last two months of my RL have been so amazingly shitty...I can't even begin to go into it. Suffice it to say that I'm not the same person that I was, that I suffered a very unexpected loss, and that I'm seeing things very differently (which, like most things, is both good and bad). A very sincere thank you to Troy for being my rock, as always. I do not know what I would do without you. You are an amazing friend.

This is a series on the way love is 'played' out in SL that I started long, long ago...and it's been over a month since my last entry. This one is particularly pointless, but it's the best I can do.

I remember the good ole days...stalking involved prank phone calls, driving past someone's house, friends' houses, place of employment, bars he or she might frequent...it was authentic, and it required actual effort. These days, stalking is done electronically from the comfort of one's own home...facebook, myspace, blogs, twitter, IM, email, texting...and then there's SL.

There are two basic types of stalkers: the ex and the never-was. The ex, pathetically, can't or won't move on, and resorts to cyber-stalking in an effort to stay relevant, to continue to be a topic of conversation, to maintain the connection with their former love. Rehashing things on one's blog, making snide comments on facebook, (or in SL, on one's profile), popping online as soon as you do--just a few of the ways the stalker tries to stay in the picture.

The never-was is exactly that...someone you never dated who is ALWAYS keeping updated on your activities, always IM'ing you, always there--too friendly, too eager, too creepy.

Lots of folks in SL choose to check the box that keeps their online status hidden to everyone except Friends and Groups...and many times, their groups are also hidden or by invitation only. I wonder...is this because they are the stalker or the stalkee? If you suspect you are being stalked, and you only know the person in SL, you can delete him or her from your friends list, leave all mutual groups, check the aforementioned box, and move on. If you've let that person into your RL, then, you've got all the other avenues of contact to deal with. I know this is another reason people pick up Alts in SL...avoiding the stalker (or is it to become the stalker?) :P

I don't have much else to say on this topic. Having been stalked by an ex in RL, in a situation that became very scary, the concept of cyber-stalking seems pretty lame to me. I know it's hard to let go of the ex or the never-was, but sometimes, a clean break is the best way to heal and....

Next time: The Exes

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Player

2009-05-09T23:50:00.010-05:00

Since it's been over two months since I started this "series" as I called it, I thought I should finally get off my virtual ass and write the next segment. Brace yourself to be unimpressed. It's been a tremendously shitty past couple of weeks in my RL, and it doesn't look like it's going to get any better anytime soon. Sarcasm and cynicism levels are reaching an all-time high.

The Player:

First off, to define the player, and then to address various ways the Player operates. In my opinion, a Player is someone who thinks virtual sex/intimacy in a virtual world is nothing more than a means to feel better about him or herself in the real world. A Player does not appreciate or respect the fact that each avatar is, in fact, a real human being, bringing real emotions to the grid.

The Method: This is when the lying begins...

There are lots of ways to manipulate, lie, cheat, and hurt someone in SL (just as in RL), but I have tried to distill it down to two categories. The first category is the Alt. Using an Alt to carry on sexual and emotional relationships with more than one resident, a person can lead several partners to believe they are engaged in monogamous SL relationships. The stories of treachery and heartache I've heard of because of the use of alts are just as destructive and devastating as what happens in real life. A broken heart does not differentiate SL/RL.

The other method a Player will use is the exact opposite. This person espouses a personal philosophy of 'free-spiritedness' which includes, as far as I can tell, scanning his or her friend's list every time he or she logs on to see who might like to hang out (and fuck). Everyone is supposed to keep their hearts in check, have a good time, and bed/ball hope with disease-free bliss.

When fuck-buddies are foolish enough to let their hearts get involved, or when the resident with multiple Alts finds his or her partners becoming increasingly suspicious, the Player finds himself in a tricky position. Cut & run (which would be a tremendous gift to the other partners) or try to juggle a handful of hearts? Excuses, unexplained absences, E-mails and IM's that somehow never arrive, blaming online/offline status discrepancies on SL 'glitches', claims to have missed online notifications...the ways the Player will try to keep everybody happy, satisfied, and in the dark are as hopeless as they are lame.

Whether in SL or RL, the victims of the Player, ultimately, must find the strength to say good-bye. There's an old saying that the former US president had some trouble with..."Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And that's exactly right. If you think some jackass is screwing around on you, dump him or her and move on. Period. If you know some jackass is screwing around on you, then every minute you continue to stay in that relationship eats away at your self-esteem. To stay is as stupid as it is self-destructive. As Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." The question is, why give that consent in any circumstance, least of all, a virtual world of anonymity.

In truth, I feel a bit sorry for the Player....substituting virtual sex/intimacy for something real, lying and hurting others in a desperate attempt to feel relevant or needed...it's pretty pathetic. The defect, of course, is obvious. The path of destruction runs both ways. Karma (and this I know from experience) is a cold-hearted bitch who will win every single time.

Next time: The Stalker

Influential Albums

2009-04-22T22:13:00.003-05:00

Awhile back, both Troy and I made lists of the most influential albums in our lives. We aren't exactly spring chickens (though he's much older than I am--hehe) so that might reflect some of our choices. I thought it was an interesting exercise, and I plan to hold on to the list and see how it changes in time.

Troy's List:
Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen
Saints and Sinners - Whitesnake
Hysteria - Def Leppard
Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
Full Moon Fever - Tom Petty
Zenyatta Mondatta - Police
Back In Black - AC/DC
Appetite for Destruction - Guns n Roses
Streetlife Serenade - Billy Joel
Hotel California - Eagles
Blues Brothers Soundtrack - The Blues Brothers
Perfect Strangers - Deep Purple
Flex-able - Steve Vai
Joe's Garage - Frank Zappa
90215 - Yes
Heavy Metal Be-Bop - The Brecker Bros
Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet
Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
Nightfly - Donald Fagen
The Blizzard of Oz - Ozzy Osbourne
1984 -Van Halen
Chronicles - Rush
David Lee Roth - Eat 'em and Smile
Among the Living - Anthrax
Freeze Frame - J Geils Band

Lissa's List:
Sheryl Crow---The Globe Sessions
matchbox 20---Yourself or Someone Like You
Ani DiFranco---Not a Pretty Girl
Def Leppard---Pyromania AND Hysteria
Van Halen---5150, FUCK, Balance
Sarah Mclachlan---Surfacing AND Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
Fleetwood Mac---Rumours
ac/dc---Back in Black
Paula Cole---This Fire
U2---The Joshua Tree
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers---Full Moon Fever
Don Henley---Building the Perfect Beast
Stevie Nicks---Rock a Little
Eagles---Greatest Hits vol 2
Guns and Roses---Appetite for Destruction
Melissa Etheridge---Yes I Am
Foo Fighers---The Colour and the Shape
Phil Collins---No Jacket Required
Whitesnake---self-titled
Bryan Adams---Reckless
Say Anything soundtrack

Still working on my SLove series (she says with less and less conviction). :P

Oh, and I just got hired to host at Sanctuary Rock. WooT!!! Leetah totally rocks and trained me with great patience and skill. It was the first time we'd really spent any time together, and she is damn cool!!

My shifts start next week, Thursdays from 2-4 with DJ Troy, and Saturdays from 2-4 with super-SEXY Guenevere DeCuir...come watch me over-spam and foul up the voting. :P

but who's counting?

2009-04-13T17:16:00.004-05:00

Happy Anniversary to Troy & Lissa, who celebrate 4 months of partnered bliss in SL on the 13th of April. And they said it wouldn't last. ha

But, alas, the times, they are a'changing. Due to RL, Troy has had to pull back his DJ schedule a bit and do some rearranging. As our friends may have noticed, lately, we just aren't in SL that much unless he's working. We've missed our SL time together, but on the other hand, we've always communicated via other methods throughout the day. SL is sometimes more a hindrance to us spending quality time together, really listening to each other, than a help.

My RL is also undergoing some fairly profound changes (details to come, maybe), and I see myself phasing out, to some extent, of this fantasy world. One of the issues about SL that troubles me the most is that SL pulls people away from RL friends and family by draining both time and emotional energy (our most precious resources) spent while logged on. For those who don't have RL friends and family, or those whose RL relationships trend towards the conflicted & painful, I can understand the draw of SL. It's a great way to feel a sense of community, to express oneself, to socialize.

But for too many residents, I think SL lets us hide from, deny, and avoid the things in our real lives that we should be dealing with, only we just don't want to. Ignoring a problem is always easier, for awhile anyway, than facing it. To tell the truth, for a time, I even let SL isolate me from my RL friends and family--I pushed people away so I could log on. Not any more, and not for some time now. Maybe it's just because my focus has been so sharply redirected towards RL that I'm thinking about all this now. SL is not inherently evil, is it? :P I don't know. I think I've begun to ramble. ;)

I'm still working on the SLove piece, but my RL has been very demanding, and the series is not something I've wanted to dedicate the time to. I've not left it, though.

Did I have a point? Oh, yes. Happy Anniversary, Troy. You are truly the very best thing about SL for me. xoxoxoxxoxo

To SLove or Not to SLove: The Partners

2009-03-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

Installment number two examining the various ways SL residents handle affairs of the heart. Yes, I've got a lot of free time. :P

The Partners:

When I first joined SL, I marveled at the notion of SL residents partnering. I may even have laughed at their folly and uttered the world 'never.' My, how times have changed. :P

For a mere 10L, you and your SL sweetie can show the world how you feel via the Profile Partner Box. While some residents view partnering as the equivalent of marriage in SL, others treat it as 'going steady' or the facebook designation 'in a relationship with.' Still others seem to do it because they like spending 10L on a whim.

It is certainly possible to be monogamous in SL without being partnered, but for those who take it seriously, adding someone's name to a profile box shows the rest of SL the two people involved have attained some element of exclusivity in their online relationship. It sends a definite message.

Or does it?

For a slightly higher, but still damn cheap, fee of 25L, you can once again announce to the world you've had a change of 'heart.'

I'm not sure if LL has done a statistical analysis, but I'd ballpark the average SL partnership at lasting less than a month or two. Granted, time is SL does this virtual compression-thing, but even by Hollywood standards, a month is pretty pathetic, especially if you aren't picking up his dirty socks or listening to him snore.

Though my partner will deny it, he, in fact, proposed to me. I don't know which one of us was more shocked by his actions. We don't call it a marriage--we both have RL spouses. We didn't have a wedding ceremony; we didn't have an officiate; we don't have an SL marriage certificate. For us, it's a best friend/partnership that also shows the rest of SL that we are exclusive. He's one of my very best friends, in both lives, and I'm proud to call him my partner, even if it's only in a pixelated fantasy-land.

One of the most complex aspects of SL partnering involves residents who are monogamous or married (to someone other than their SL partners) in real life. There are two primary views regarding SLove and married-in-RL implications.

The first is that it's cheating. A few months ago, a friend and fellow blogger published a very good piece on the subject of SL partnerships focusing on the ethics when the people involved have real life spouses. Her stance was that if you are married/monogamous in RL and you engage in SL romance, you are cheating on your real life spouse/partner. I believe she made some very good points, but I also believe that her views do not take into account the fact that every RL relationship is unique, and what works for some does not work for others.

The second view, and the one I believe many in SL use to justify their behavior, is that because SL relationships are 'virtual' they do not constitute real life infidelity. By this definition, the sex has to be real in order for cheating to have occurred. In other words, if you aren't staying late after work to make out with a co-worker, or having a fling on your business trip, and it all stays online, you've not broken your RL vows. I believe this view discounts or ignores the very real emotional impact of online relationships. However, this view does suggest, and I agree, that it's not entirely reasonable to expect all your emotional needs to be fulfilled by one person, for ever. Let's not forget that marriage is a social construct designed to stabilize a society and make sure children are well cared-for. Monogamy is not the biological imperative.

Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

In my opinion, a resident who dates or is married in SL can be accused of cheating on the real life partner only if the resident hides his/her activities from the RL partner. If the RL spouse is aware of, or has made known that he or she does not care/is not threatened by what happens online, then I do not view that situation as cheating. So, ask yourself...If your RL spouse wouldn't like what you are doing and/or considers it cheating, then aren't you cheating? By the same token, if your RL spouse knows what you are doing and/or doesn't care, then I say, you're in the clear. ;))

Partners are motivated out of love, desire, friendship, and the willingness to take their relationship to the next level. The problems with SL partnerships are many. First of all, the lack of real human contact makes any SL intimate relationship inherently limiting. Ball-hopping and xcite aren't even in the same universe as flesh on flesh.

Second, thanks to alts, TPs and IM, cheating is practically impossible to discover, and paranoia about that fact runs rampant.

Finally, if half of all real marriages end in divorce, what percentage of SL partnerships last forever? What constitutes forever in SL, anyway?

There are three possible outcomes for every SL partnership: the couple breaks up in SL, the couple hooks up in RL, or one or both of the individuals stop logging into SL. I guess that would be the equivalent of "till death us do part" rather "till disinterest in SL us do part."

It's a complicated mess, as anyone who's ever partnered with the best of intentions can attest. Throw into the mix the RL crossover, and, well, you can find yourself in murky and sometimes painful waters, indeed.

I wouldn't change one single thing in how life with Troy and Lissa has turned out, and I hope that it is eventual disinterest in SL by one or both of us, and not disinterest in our friendship, that spells the end for Troy and Lissa.

Next time: The Player

(and I greatly prefer Norris Shepherd's version of this song...but this is a great Canadian band and a gorgeous song)

To SLove or Not to SLove: That is the Question

2009-03-09T16:43:00.011-05:00

This is the first in what is likely to be a thought-provoking and philosophical look at romance in SL. :P I've come up with a set of categories defining the various stances residents take when it comes to romance in SL. I'll define and explain each one in a separate entry. Thoughts and opinions expressed are based on personal experience, the experiences of my close friends (who shall remain nameless) and the great torrent of annoying gossip in which SL is awash. And, when necessary, I'll just make up something to prove my point...should I have one.

The SLelibate:

Probably fairly obvious...this is someone who chooses NOT to engage in romantic relationships in SL at all. Reasons for this may vary. Some residents who are married or involved in a monogamous relationship in real life view SL romance as a form of cheating, and they choose not to date in SL for that reason. Others have tried SL dating, found it horrendous, heart-breaking, and pointless, and have subsequently sworn off romance 'forever.' Still others can't get past the silliness of cyber sex or online dating, prefer their intimacy to be a little more 'real,' and focus their energies on other things while in SL.

The SLelibate often enjoys walking the line, I've noticed. I've also noticed a hint of moral superiority amongst them. Not that I blame them. I've frequently thought that the slogan of SL should be 'Helping you Relive the Drama & Angst of High School since 2003.' To purposely remove oneself from that scene is certainly a smart move. :P

Next time: The Partners...

changes coming

2009-03-08T08:58:00.004-05:00

The metaphors of spring and the accompanying rebirth are often used in literature and poetry. As the trees, plants, birds, and animals rise up from frozen ground and transform themselves, humans can't help but be moved by the power and beauty of it.

When I see that first hint of green in the fields of brown that surround my house, I too find myself more energetic, more hopeful, more eager to embrace challenges rather than run from them. I begin making mental lists about what needs changed, done, repaired--the things I've ignored all winter or been unable to face. In the winter, seems like most of my mental energy gets taken up dealing the short, cold days and very long, cold nights.

So, here's to spring, to new life, to the promise of renewal, to positive energy, and long sunny days ahead.

looking for a sign...

2009-03-07T23:00:00.002-06:00

When your best friend/sweetie and your favorite SL live musician both complain to you on the same day that you need to do something with that blog that's going nowhere...you see it as a sign, right? Now, there's just the matter of a topic that's meaningful...

First of all, I got to see Norris perform this evening. It had been way too long!!! Wonderful, as always. Saw some familiar faces, including a bearded Mason...and Norris as a sort of Noob-Wookie/beaver-looking critter...the venue was mini-friendly, nicely done...the Mini Bar. It's especially entertaining when Norris has been into the wine...tonight, he was alternating wine and tea...works for me. hehe Though, I do prefer a refreshing beer myself.

So, maybe I'll try to post more often. Maybe I'll think of something witty to say.

Maybe. :P

peace

Congrats to my Sweetie!!!

2009-03-07T10:40:00.004-06:00

For anyone reading this blog who doesn't already know, my sweetie Troy was hired this week to DJ at Sanctuary Rock!!!! WooT!!! Congrats Hun!!! I'm very proud of you!!! :))))) xoxoxox

That makes three clubs where you can find him (and therefore me) every week--the Colosseum of Rock, Freakheim Funeral Home, and Sanctuary Rock.

If you haven't made it to one of his sets, then why the hell not? :P

Time for a post, eh?

2009-02-27T23:58:00.007-06:00

My primary activities in SL these days are working Troy's DJ shifts, which, of course, I love to bits, and seeing live shows. I managed to catch Zen Revnik last Saturday, and I realized it had been way too long. Rather than a show of only covers, Zen has RL albums and plays his originals in his sets. I love his midwestern twang, perhaps because I have one myself, and his songs are thoughtful, melodic, and sometimes even a bit melancholy (but in a good way). :P He's great. Go see him.

My rl son turns three very soon, and it seems like every day, he is more and more fun to be around. I am not particularly maternal, and I'm not really a 'baby' person. I chose to teach high school (a million years ago, when I had a paying job) as opposed to grade school for a reason. Anyway, this kid is getting pretty damn cool. To top it off, a few days ago, he informed me 'you are the best mommy I've ever seen in the whole world.' Someday, he'll figure me out, the way all kids realize the adults they once thought invincible are actually human, but for now, I rule. :)

My overall writer's block remains intact. My rl blog is languishing, and the poems just aren't coming along. I think the thing that keeps me from blogging here at this point is my growing contempt for most of the residents in SL. Of course, there is tremendous talent: singers, artists, designers, builders, writers, and dj's. It is their impressive commitments of time, effort, and creativity that give SL beauty and value. But I don't find that I'm willing to devote that time in SL to become established in any of those areas. The number of residents who are only interested in sex, having a 'good time,' and acting stupid in local chat seems to far outweigh the number of thoughtful folks who'll carry on a real conversation with you. Maybe I'm just grumpy. It's possible. :P

A friend and I were talking the other day, and he made a good observation...someone will ask him how he's doing, and he'll respond with something about his rl work or activities, and they'll pick up the conversation as if he's talking about stuff in-world. They haven't quite figured out that life outside SL is actually supposed to be more important than what happens after you rez. SL is a wondrous tool for communicating and socializing, but is it really anything else?

Yes, definitely grumpy. ;)

peace, out

Happy Anniversary

2009-02-12T20:03:00.002-06:00

Troy and I will celebrate our two month 'partnering' the day before Valentine's Day, and true to the sl/rl conflict, we'll both be offline most of the day.

This song is for you, sweetie. It has reminded me of you for a very long time now. xoxoxox

taking a break

2009-02-10T11:35:00.001-06:00

Going to make some changes, and maybe come back again someday.

Because I still don't have a damn thing to say...

2009-02-04T00:36:00.006-06:00

...and I am not interested in wasting my time or yours with an entry that serves no purpose, I thought I'd throw one of my favorite poems at you. You've probably either heard or read parts of it before. There are five parts, I'm only including the fifth, my favorite, and the section I always taught to my students. Eliot is THE Modern poet...the sense of loss, of shock, of finding out everything you were expected to trust was completely untrustworthy (via the first world war), it permeates his work. It's painful, sad, obtuse, and beautiful. The combination of nonsense (a misquoted child's nursery rhyme), with the lord's prayer, with the poem...well, the juxtaposition is certainly no accident.

Enjoy.

The Hollow Men, part V, T.S. Eliot

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o’clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
                             For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
                             Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
                             For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

on inspiration and writer's block

2009-01-28T09:40:00.005-06:00

Taking a look at Guen's blog, (Crimson Flow), she mentioned another blogger's challenge of writing about what inspires us. Since I'm struggling in that very department, in terms of my writing (whether poetry, lissa's blog, or melissa's blog that I actually DID start yesterday), I thought I would try to write about Inspiration.

First and foremost, my background in literature is the number one source of my inspiration...specifically the English Renaissance and the 20th Century American writers. The thing is, that's pretty damn intimidating. It sometimes stifles your own creativity when you are constantly comparing yourself to the greatest in your genre. Funnily enough, reading some of the other SL bloggers has also been intimidating.

...hmmm, this is coming off as anti-inspiration, but then, that's where I'm at...

Friends and family know I write, so every few years, someone gives me a blank journal as a gift. As you might guess, I've got a half-dozen, half-filled journals. The small notebook I carry in my purse, in case inspiration strikes, is more likely to contain the latest list for the grocery store as it is my latest observation or line of poetry.

BUT...what inspires me...literature, art, music, acts of kindness, the moonrise and a star-filled sky, horseback riding, the way a red-tailed hawk stalks his prey, coyotes yipping in the middle of the night, watching a thunderstorm build to the west and then race my direction, my son, my past, my present, and my future. *sighs* And, yet, I have writer's block? How ironic.

peace

or not

2009-01-27T13:53:00.005-06:00

In accordance with the wishes of a very persuasive person *coughs and mutters* 'troy,' I've decided to do both a real blog and keep up with lissa's. However, the posts here will be less often. If I manage one intelligent post a week--on second thought, let me make that two a month---who am I kidding...I'll be doing better than I am now.

Here's hoping for inspiration. :P

Signifying Nothing

2009-01-27T09:49:00.004-06:00

I started this blog because I had all these wonderful ideas about witty essays and observations I could make about my time in SL. I started this blog because I'm writing all the time, in my head, and I thought it would induce me to get pen to paper (metaphorically speaking). I started this blog with the best of intentions, hoping to post every other day. hmmm

I'm born and raised in the midwest, the 'heartland,' the 'bible belt,' of the US. Although I share virtually nothing with my fellow citizens in terms of the predominant politics of this region, the landscape is my home. In my bones, I am a part of this place, and sometimes, I really hate that. But, you can fight the inevitable all you want, it's still coming to get you.

One thing I do share with the farmers and ranchers of this prairie is an uncompromising bullshit detector, a true practicality, a sometimes heartless pragmatism. I am always looking for the bottom line, what's left when you scrape away everything that's superfluous, fake, trivial. The heart of the matter is all that concerns me.

That said, I'm phasing out this blog. It's pointless. I am a writer. I think my time and effort should be directed towards something I'd be inclined to share with my (non-SL) friends and family. I blog my poetry with some former co-workers, but I don't have a blog for melissa...I think it's time I did. I should be writing more poetry--I've only managed two poems this month. I should be writing essays about my son, my family, my real life friends (including the ones who've crossed over from SL), my experiences when I'm doing something besides sitting in front of a computer. This blog takes time and effort that seem to be in short supply for me these days, so...

Here's my most recent poem--it's very bad, it shows how out of practice I am. The craft of poetry requires a groove, a familiarity, a consistency of theme and subject matter. This poem shows me floundering, having lost my footing. Here's hoping I get it back.

on obligation and poetry

each morning, she dumps the used coffee grounds
from the previous day's pot, a chore she always
promises herself she'd do the night before.

each morning, she must clean the stained
carafe before she can fill it with water.

each morning, she makes a bit of a mess, cursing
softly, as she rinses the last specks of black down the drain.

each morning, when the automated wonder signals
it's finished, a steaming mug only moments away,
the boy asks 'mommy, what's that noise?'

each morning, she smiles and says, 'mommy's coffee is ready'
to which he replies, with a knowing nod, 'oh, sure.'

shakespeare will tell her the rest is silence,
yeats will tell her the center cannot hold,
hemingway will tell her it's just a dirty trick--

she'll fix herself another cup, sigh,
and wonder, what's next, what's next?

song for the day

2009-01-17T10:34:00.001-06:00

Sometimes, you get an old song stuck in your head for no particular reason, and sometimes, you know exactly why. One of my favorite bands, too.

a few new names

2009-01-14T18:14:00.002-06:00

My groups show my very favorite musicians in SL, and I'm always maxed out on Groups--but I caught two musicians today I'd never heard before, and I strongly recommend them (even though I can't join their groups!) Steely Decosta was at The Falls and Jase Branner was at Herd Thinner's Pub. Both are very good, and play a nice mix of artists. Have I mentioned the Live Music in SL kicks ass? No? Really? Well, it does. :P

I also saw two of the most well-known and respected SL builders/designers at Jase's show, RH Engel and Rebel Hope. They looked stunning, of course. I'd never seen them in person before.

A good day in SL, and nice to catch a few shows.

peace

and....

2009-01-13T13:52:00.001-06:00

....today is Troy and Lissa's One Month "Partnering" Anniversary!! hehe

So, happy anniversary, sweetie!

xoxoxoxoxoxooxox

:))))

birthday musings

2009-01-13T12:50:00.003-06:00

warning: pointless philosophical ramblings ahead...but it's my birthday, and I can pontificate if I want to. :P

I've grown tired of the games people play. I've grown tired of the 'woe is me' attitude, and I've grown tired of the silly, little stunts people pull in an effort to make themselves relevant. I purposely stay as 'out of the loop' as possible regarding the hook-ups and break-ups in SL, the backstabbing, the name-calling, and the drama. I see how truly pointless it is and how detrimental it is to one's quality of life, regardless if it's virtual or not. One of my favorite phrases regarding SL is 'don't go borrowing trouble .' Indeed.

Troy and I had a long talk Sunday about leaving SL. We've had the talk before. One of my closest friends just left, and I respect her decision, her reasons, and frankly, I think she's right. I hope her leave of absence 'takes' and she's able to stay away. There must be a 'point of no return,' for many in SL, and after that time, leaving becomes damn near impossible.

But back to Troy and I. I don't know what the future holds for us...if we'll stay or if we'll invest ourselves fully in RL. The point is, we don't need SL. We are above it. It's something we do for fun, but it doesn't define our relationship. He has a RL best friend he met in SL over two years ago, and she rarely logs on, but that doesn't matter; they are still best friends. Their relationship is stronger than and bigger than SL. That's where Troy and I are. I've pushed him away too many times, and he's put me through the wringer a few times as well, but here we are, past all that nonsense, strong as ever. More gratitude from me, and that's something I won't let go of.

peace

song for the day

2009-01-11T09:55:00.002-06:00

It's a bright, sunny day, my RL birthday is in a few, with some plans for good times coming up, I've heard from quite a few old RL friends lately, and I feel stronger and stronger.

acoustic AND rob thomas? how could I resist? I originally saw this because the husband of one of my RL best friends posted this to her FB page. God, do I relate. :P

Top Ten Little Annoyances About SL

2009-01-06T14:40:00.013-06:00

Just a smart-assed collection of things I've observed more than a few times in my little-over-a year in SL. I'll refrain from the obvious choices of 'lag' 'logins temporarily disabled' or the lovely gas clouds we sometimes materialize as.

10. Residents whose profile messages make pronouncements about being 'drama-free' tend to be the bitchiest, most instigator-ish of all.

9. Residents will go on and on about how they hate SL and are leaving, but few actually follow-through.

8. Residents who do actually leave either pick up an Alt or return to their former avies within a few weeks.

7. Many residents do not know the difference between flirting and looking desperate.

6. Gesture spam (aside from that of staff on-duty at venues) is the SL equivalent of idiots who talk on their cell-phones too loudly in public. No one else gives a damn, and it interferes with real conversation.

5. Residents who wear face lights/lamps bright enough to light up or wash out the avatars standing next to them are complete idiots.

4. Talking fetuses freak me the fuck out.

3. Many Residents try way too hard to look as if they aren't trying at all. One example is when people make statements in Local Chat that the reason they don't talk in Local is they are soooo busy in IM, or they say something about being in IM Hell. Profile messages which state "I don't follow local chat" also fall into this category.

2. The only thing stupider than a talking fetus is equipping your avatar to use the restroom.

And the Number One most annoying thing about SL....

1. Pointless avatar blogs. (erm, hey, that sounds familiar) :p

back into the swing of things

2009-01-02T13:15:00.003-06:00

I'm looking forward to that sense of normalcy that follows the holidays, both in SL and RL, since the craziness of the last two weeks. My son had a wonderful christmas...the boy is spoiled! My RL saw an interesting reunion/coming together for the holidays, and it affected me greatly. I'm so pleased my parents can act like adults and not petulant children, putting someone else's wishes ahead of their own. Even at my age, I'm still learning lessons of selflessness from them. I really am blessed.

As usual, Troy was my foundation when the holidays did what they always to do me...stress me the hell out. We missed each other quite a bit with RL obligations, but emails and messenger always keep us in contact when SL time is in short supply. I'm looking forward to listening to some of his rocking sets and hitting a few lives shows soon. ;))

peace

One year draws to a close...

2008-12-30T15:22:00.006-06:00

...and another one awaits.

We have memories of the past; we have hope for the future, but we only exist in the HERE and NOW. I find it interesting that we experience time in a linear fashion, even though research into quantum physics suggests that time is no more linear than space. Quantum physics also tells us that all possible outcomes/realities exist, at the quantum level mind you, but I wonder.

Troy will be the first to tell me I spend too much time looking backwards rather than forwards. He's right. I've spent a great deal of emotional energy looking at the choices I've made, the jobs I've quit, the men I've left, the friendships I've neglected, and I get very bogged down in the might-have-beens. It's an exhausting way to live, but I like to think that somewhere out there is a real life Me who didn't make some of the more stellar mistakes I have. Time and again, Troy preaches the sermon of self-forgiveness, encouraging me to start fresh everyday.

Which brings me to the dreaded tradition of January 1. I like to talk about New Year's Resolutions. I don't like to make them. My resolve (notice the word is made up of "re" to do again, and "solve" to figure out...so the term resolution carries an inherent feeling of been there, done that) is generally in short supply. :P

If I were making resolutions this year, they wouldn't be the 'lose weight' or 'save money' variety. I would resolve to be a better friend, in all realities. I would resolve to be a better mom, a more disciplined poet/writer, a kinder person. Maybe I can try to do those things without the pressure and possible failure of a resolution. I like that.

On that note, Happy New Year!!!!

Remember, 'Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so." (with apologies to douglas adams)

peace

the reasons why

2008-12-28T09:36:00.005-06:00

There are two questions I have for practically everyone I meet in SL. The first one is 'why did you come to SL in the first place?' and the second one is "why do you keep coming back?' I find the answers to these two questions provide a good insight into how someone 'lives' in SL and how it functions in his or her real life.

My profile message once said something like 'we all come to sl looking for something we don't have in rl or trying to forget something rl won't let us forget.' I took that message down, but I still think it's true. I came to sl because I read an online article about it. I had recently left a very demanding and fulfilling job, found I was having trouble adjusting to the world of the stay-at-home mom, and I wanted a new hobby. I thought it was a computer game. *wipes tears of laughter from her eyes* :P

Yesterday, Troy and I spent the day in Freakheim, first working our shifts, and then hanging around for good tunes and great company. Somehow, we got onto the topic of what brought us all to SL. Many were introduced by a real life friend to SL. (I hope my rl sis forgives me for dragging her in.) A few friends of mine came because they thought they could make money. *wipes her eyes from laughter yet again* Some technophiles and WofW players come to try out the platform and the programming aspects. For many, it's just good, old-fashioned curiosity.

Well, that's the first part...but what about the second question. With older avies especially, I always want to know, why keep coming back? The best answer I ever got was 'stupidity.' That cracked me up. If you've ever had your heart broken, your money stolen, or a friend betray you, you can relate.

We've all seen the profile messages that mention the addictive nature of SL. I think some brains (I'm talking from a biochemical standpoint) actually respond more intensely to the SL experience. Some folks don't 'get it' and some 'get it' too damn well. You know what I mean.

We come for friends, for love, for music, for art, for fantasy, to fill the void, to play. We come because it's a portal to the world. I live in the middle-of-nowhere American plains, and I have friends from across the globe. We come because (and this is the true irony of SL) we crave the human interaction.

I hope you aren't waiting for a point to my rambling because it's not forthcoming. ;))

Oh, and a huge, giant congrats and a hug to Oz and Guen. I adore you both. I hope you can find your way. When two hearts try to make it work, there is no reason for regret.

peace

Ho Ho Ho

2008-12-24T16:11:00.003-06:00

Merry Christmas, holly jolly, and all that. :P

An old song, no video, but one of my favorites.

latest poem

2008-12-20T11:28:00.002-06:00

(sometimes, it's the littlest things you never had that you miss the most)

Sunset

tonight, just now, I looked out the
window, across a snow-covered field,
to the southwest,

the setting sun casts pale red and orange across the sky,
it’s gorgeous--the type
you write poems about.

I don’t want to write.
I want to tug your arm and point,
saying ‘look at that,’
but I can’t.

you are too far from me

we don’t share glowing horizons, time zones, or
even a continent.

the sunsets we watch together don’t
look anything like the light
streaming through my window, just now,
this moment.

so, I write another poem to you.

gratitude is the lesson I learn--
the gift of you, of us.

in quiet minutes that turn into hours
the colors deepen into night,

a few bright stars appear in my solitude
as the moon leaves your side to follow me

12-19-08

Brand New Day

2008-12-14T10:59:00.004-06:00

I've enough unheeded advice to fill a library. I've enough bad decisions to last a lifetime. And I've enough weakness to make most days a struggle, just to make it through.

Then I met someone. Someone who never held my past against me, who willingly shares my present, and who gives me hope and strength for my future. Someone who has seen the ugliest parts of me, found me at my lowest, and spent over a year lifting me up.

I have spent countless attempts justifying and rationalizing my past, and nothing worked until you helped me see things in a different light. Our RL demons follow us to SL, sometimes repaying with interest the things we'd hoped to leave behind. I will never understand what you see in me, but loving you is as effortless as drawing breath, and I am infinitely grateful to share my life with you, in whatever way we can, always.

peace, love, and all that mushy stuff :))

Our Big Day

2008-12-13T19:28:00.004-06:00

I met Troy on November 10, 2007. We became engaged on November 17, 2008, and we partnered in SL today. Honestly, it was a day I never thought I'd see, and I couldn't be more happy or grateful that our friendship has continued to grow and change. The positive impact he has made in my RL relationships...well, it would take me hours to explain (not that I won't try in future entries). :P

I'd like to say a special thank you to Rykk, Kaedy, and Norris for helping Troy and I celebrate our special day. Kaedy's design of Freakheim looked amazing, Norris sounded awesome, and Rykk generously provided the venue for us. It was perfect in every way.

I'd also like to thank everyone who stopped by to wish us well. It's as hard to keep in touch in SL as it is in RL sometimes, and it was nice to see a few old friends, and a few new ones as well.

peace and love

and so this is christmas...

2008-12-03T12:32:00.007-06:00

In my real life, this time of year can be tremendously difficult. The loss of much-loved family members, the divorces of nearly everyone in my family...it's rough. I know it is that way for many of us. In years past, it's just been me wanting to make it through the month. It's not been a time I've looked forward to. This year, things are very different. My son is nearly 3, and he really 'gets' some of the more fun aspects of christmas. Enjoying family get-togethers, putting up the tree, singing the christmas songs (over and over again) hanging the lights on the house, giving and receiving gifts...I'm seeing it all through his eyes, and it's amazing.

The other reason this time of year isn't leaving me with my usual holiday blues is that my best friend (in sl and rl) and I are getting hitched this month. I can easily say that he and I spend more time together (in and out of sl) than I do with any other person, that our friendship has transcended sl and moved to rl, and that his presence in my life I consider one of my most positive and life-changing relationships. He has pushed me to forgive myself for the considerable mistakes of my past, and to embrace my rl relationships with hope and strength. We met over a year ago, traveled a very difficult and painful road, and have finally found a way to love each other as best friends in the real world and as partners in the virtual world.

A friend and I were waxing philosophically about SL partnering (and I've recently read a few very witty blog entries about it as well) and he said something that was dead-on. We all know the folks who seem to bounce from partner to partner, ala junior high school. We all know folks who are married to each other in RL and SL. We all know folks who are committed in SL but married to someone else in RL. What motivates people to partner in the first place? What keeps these relationships going? What are the inherent problems with them? Why do some work and some do not?

My friend said (and I am paraphrasing here...not too inaccurately, I hope) that the key to finding an SL partnership that will last is very straightforward...you need to view your time in SL in the same way, want the same thing out of it, and have the same philosophy about what SL means to you. Great advice, simple, but profound. In other words, just like in RL, you need to be on the same page, same goals, same priorities, same sense of what really matters.

I'm just getting started with this topic, btw. More to come..

peace :)

I should really be in bed...

2008-11-25T00:35:00.002-06:00

and this has the air of 'it's been too long, I should post, otherwise, what's the point of this blog?' Ha...there is no point. That is the point.

Can I just say that I'm amazingly happy, that some old and new friends have shown me tremendous kindness in the last few days, and that sometimes, maybe not often, but maybe when you need it the most, life surprises you in a way that is so uncomprehendingly good that you sort of walk with light steps, afraid to wake the gods? I think I just did.

I am not an easy person to love, and I thank the people in my life who continue to do so in spite of me.

seriously, peace

Song for the Day

2008-11-20T22:20:00.005-06:00

(I first heard Max Kleene sing this...months before it started to get popular radio play)

I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment, people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
So, please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

please note...

2008-11-20T00:00:00.003-06:00

Comments are read, considered, and appreciated, but not published.

peace ;)

Musician's Spotlight: Norris Shepherd

2008-11-19T23:27:00.002-06:00

(this is an article I wrote a few months ago for the journal that folded...did I mention yet? GO SEE A SHOW!! ;)))

Friends of mine are well-accustomed to hearing me go on-and-on about the awesome live music scene in SL. Once I discovered that first performance, I was hooked, and my SL experience transformed. Every single time I log on, I begin with "Search" --> "Events" --> "Live Music" as I hungrily scroll down for my favorites. At the top of my list of favorites (damn the 25 group maximum) is the most talented farm boy/singer/song writer/homemade wine enthusiast you are ever going to meet in any Life, and that's Norris Shepherd.

According to his bio, Shepherd is a RL New Brunswick, Canada farmer who plays "an eclectic collection of songs including folk, pop/rock, Canadian indie and alternative, and sticks in a few original songs on occasion." Such a description, however, does not capture the magic of a Norris Shepherd show. The first thing you'll notice, besides the sexy, gravely voice and easy laugh, is a very imposing avatar wearing denim overalls, but no shoes. This outfit has become Shepherd's trademark, and if you become a member of his group, "Norris Shepherd and his Sheep Dawgs," you'll get a set of overalls absolutely free! I asked Shepherd where the overalls came from. Turns out that story is closely linked to how he ended up playing music in SL in the first place.

Like most of us, Shepherd heard a story in the news about SL, and curiosity brought him to the Grid. And again, like most of us, it took him much trial and error to find his niche in SL. He tried car racing, basketball, and even the club scene. The trouble was, he didn't enjoy the clubs, "the superficiality, the shallowness really drove me nuts" especially given his profile honestly states "A simple farm boy..." Tired of the club scene, Shepherd decided, on a whim, to see if there were pub-style venues that might cater to a different crowd. In that search for a pub, he found a listing for a live musician.

Upon rezzing (arriving) at this first show, he didn't realize it was truly a live performance--as in a real human being plugged into real sound equipment playing in real time. He laughed to himself that people would pretend to play live music in SL. Then, he got his audio adjusted and experienced live music for the first time in SL. That artist was another SL great, Harper Messmer, and as Shepherd listened to him perform, he found what he'd been missing in SL.

Shepherd's real life musical background includes being a self-taught guitar player, singer/songwriter, and garage band member. His experience in front of an audience was most often playing at parties while everyone gathered round to listen and make requests. However, because of his isolated RL locale, he'd not played guitar in nine years simply because he had no audience to play for. But the more shows he attended in SL, the more his desire to perform was rekindled.

His transition from audience member to artist began a year ago this month when he played an open mic party with a rented mixer and mics. Truly, that was only the beginning. These days, you can find Shepherd playing at least two or three shows a week. Most exciting for his fans, he's just released his first recorded song online. The track, "Sidekick" can be downloaded for free at http://www.norrisshepherd.com/Sidekick/Sidekick.html As for what the future holds, Shepherd intends to concentrate on his originals, with more recordings to come.

Shepherd loves playing in SL. His set list comes from songs he likes rather than songs he thinks are popular favorites, and his assumption (quite right, by the way) is that if he's having a good time, that energy carries over to the audience. "I want to have fun, and I want people to feel at home and welcome at my shows." He said one of the greatest compliments he hears is when someone says, "I saw you were playing tonight and was glad to see that. I had a rough day, and I really enjoy going to your show." Shepherd said heartfelt words such as those are one of the reasons he loves playing in SL because it gives him the chance to play for an appreciative audience, put a smile on someone's face, and make someone's bad day a little better.

Oh, and the overalls...a gag gift from a friend who knew exactly how much Shepherd disliked the vibe in the club scene--the same club scene that sent him in search of that pub--that allowed him to hear Harper that first time. Shepherd donned those overalls in the middle of a gig one night, and he hasn't taken them off since. Lucky for us, he keeps on playing in SL.

http://www.myspace.com/norrisshepherd

Things Change

2008-11-19T09:09:00.000-06:00

So, I guess the question is, how do you deal with it? I had a professor in college who used to say to us ‘embrace it and let it go.’ It seemed very wise to me, then, as it does now.

A new friend gave me some very good advice last night in SL. We were talking about insecurities and jealousies, and how she’s held on and made a best friend out of an ‘ex.’ She said she’s learned to hold on to the best parts of a relationship and let go of what isn’t working, couldn’t last, or wasn’t meant to be. I’ve spent the last year analyzing how to ‘live’ in SL, how to deal with the way friendships and relationships change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. The things she said were damn smart, but then, so is she.

Lissa’s tip of the day: try peace, try moving on, try seeing things for what they are rather than what you wish they could be.

:)

As the bard (another brit I'm quite fond of) might say:

2008-11-17T23:50:00.005-06:00

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel.

There are days that you wait for, days you can't even let yourself hope for, and days that make all the difference. Sometimes, they happen all at once.

Random Bits of BS

2008-11-14T23:35:00.008-06:00

--->Things that annoy me...fake, unwarranted, or just plain mean attitude in SL annoys me to no end. You read these profile messages, and it's like they are competing for Bitch/Asshole of the year. I suppose being nice is just too lame--it's so much more cool to have an attitude. I'm well aware of the manipulative games people play there, so some of that attitude is understandable, say, if you've been lied to and betrayed. Well, if you have, it begs the question why do you keep logging on in the first place, and why are you determined to become the very type of person who's hurt you so? When I see a particularly unpleasant profile, I also wonder what kind of doormat that person is in RL, to have such a need to be 'tough' in SL. Eye contact keeps a good many closet jerks in check in RL, and it's just too bad that you don't need actual courage to be a prick in SL.

--->I bet you've got at least one person on your friendslist who is currently 'taking a leave' from SL. I've got several. Heartbreak and/or friendship betrayal are probably the biggest reasons, but many of us have left...only to return...including me. When I was early into SL, I met someone who told me (upon hearing I was a married housewife) to 'get out...get out now.' He seemed to imply that SL might at some point occupy too much of my time and energy...that it was filled with (unknown by me at the time) pitfalls and perils. 'haha' I responded. haha indeeed

--->In the past few weeks, I've made the transition from dancer to host, working two clubs currently. It's funny how hectic it seems, running contests, inviting folks to join the group, and my personal goal, making Local Chat something other than gesture spam and LOL (and yes, I can LOL with the best of 'em). It is not easy. Maybe I'll get better. :P

peace

Family Affair

2008-11-06T23:53:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, after a little urging, I got my RL sister signed up to SL. I've spent the last two days seeing SL through the noobie perspective I thought I'd cast off long ago. I didn't realize how much I've learned, how much seems natural to me, until I started trying to explain things to her.

This brings me to something I've noticed for some time in SL...the overt and arrogant noobism that experienced residents display towards new residents. There are groups that are anti-noob, and many a profile has some quip criticizing the noobie ways. I've seen veteran residents belittle noobs in Local Chat simply because they didn't understand some 'basic' concept of SL.

Unless you relish the small-town, gossip-rich environment, you should welcome new blood and be as helpful as possible to new residents. Without new residents (who actually keep coming back and become contributing members of SL) the platform cannot thrive, and it will sink further into the high-school drama dynamic already much too present (except, of course, the sex in high school is real).

There are two kinds of noob: authentic, ruthed out, walking into walls, and generally bewildered, lonely, and often abused by veteran citizens. The second kind is only a few days old, already has payment info on file, is perfectly dressed, sporting costly skin and polished hair. Yes, the Alt...not a noob at all. Be as nice as you can to the former...very wary of the latter...and that's a discussion for another day. ;))

peace

Doing Business in SL

2008-11-02T17:44:00.006-06:00

As soon as LL went with the decision to incorporate a currency and means of producing goods and services into SL, they altered the experience from a "game" where people expect to pour money with no dividend except pleasure into a "virtual environment" in which residents can and do make real money. LL now markets the platform to businesses and universities as a means of positively influencing the bottom line.

My experiences working in SL have involved two jobs. My first was as chief editor of an in-world journal that completely failed to see the light of pixels. Over the course of about a month, I watched the owner pour thousands of linden into properties and equipment and office goods to produce the journal. We hired a staff. We made assignments. The staff did great work. When I gave the owner the word counts of the stories so he could pay the staff, he fired everyone (via group posting sent in the middle of the night) folded the journal, moved into an alt, and never paid anyone for their work. In the real world, he'd be facing legal action, but in SL, other than us filing abuse reports (about which nothing was done) he faced no legal penalties.

My second and current job is as a dancer at Sanctuary Rock. Here, I essentially donate my time to the club, and my income is entirely dependent on the kindness of the customers, if they choose to tip me. My job is to be friendly and have a good time in local chat, thereby creating a positive environment to which residents might want to return.

I've friends who DJ, design, build, script, own venues or stores, play live music, and buy, sell, and rent virtual property. These hobbies become a means of self-expression, sometimes help them 'break even' in SL, and on rare occasion, translate to RL income. However, they also do LL a tremendous service by creating a world that induces those with "No Payment Info on File" to join the ranks of "Payment Info Used."

I'm not happy about the latest LL policy change regarding OS sims. You can read the forum's several thousand responses and get the scoop. I don't need to go into that here. The point is, if LL wants residents to keep pouring the sometimes thousands of RL dollars into the virtual environment, they would be served in the long run to remember the RL adage "the customer is always right." To institute fee hikes without warning, on either OS, mainland, or private ownership, is to fail to grasp the essence of what keeps SL going...the ones willing to invest substantially in time and money for this so called 'hobby' or 'game.'

Just like in real life...

2008-10-26T09:21:00.006-05:00

...one person makes all the difference. One of my best friends, (sl/rl), is offline this weekend. So, I've logged on a few times, done some freebie hunting (I'm a pro), tinkered with the house, hit my usual sims, but it's no good. When the one person who really matters is gone, it's flat-out lonesome in ANY reality.

It's funny how the more time I spend in SL, the more convinced I am in the lack of a line between RL and SL. And then...something to make me think twice. While shopping yesterday, I profile perved an avi who's First Life message point blank states that he uses his avatar to explore his deepest, most disturbing and (from the looks of his group memberships) violent and sexually aggressive compulsions. It was perhaps one of the scariest profiles I've ever encountered. I guess SL is good for him, if he's harboring all these violent tendencies...as long as SL quenches the need rather than fans the flame. I just don't know. I guess it's not much different than some of the more violent video games out there, except the RPing aspect can become extraordinarily 'real' from a psychological perspective. SL seems more 'authentic' than any FPS game I've ever played or heard about.

I hope he finds what he needs in SL, and I hope he can keep the divide successfully intact, something I could never do.

peace

Who are You in SL?

2008-10-24T09:15:00.003-05:00

I don't think SL is a 'game.' The reason I don't is because for the first few months of my time there, I tried to treat it as such, and I failed miserably. What I mean by 'game' is that if you engage in behavior in SL that you would not in RL, that is a game mentality. Obviously, there are no winners or losers in SL (although a case could be made...). I think the 'game' mentality is what allows people to lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise manipulate avi's in ways they would never have the guts or the malice to in RL. I think SL is positive in that it fosters people's creativity and need for companionship, but also a negative for allowing avi's to engage in ANY sort of behavior they wish to without risk of pesky, RL consequences.

I grant that the environment allows us to live out our wildest fantasies, and there is nothing wrong with that, per say. The problem, for many, is when what you are doing in SL conflicts with who you think you are in RL. It became a problem for me, at any rate. Once I realized I could no longer do things in SL that I wouldn't in RL, the 'game' aspect disappeared entirely for me, and I had to completely redefine my purpose in SL. It wasn't easy. It's still evolving.

peace ;)

On Blank Profiles...

2008-10-22T18:32:00.002-05:00

I don't like them. While working at Sanctuary Rock today, an avatar IM'd me, and the first thing I did, the first thing I always do prior to responding to an IM from someone I don't know, is look at the profile. Mostly, his was blank. One group membership showing, but that was all. Nothing in "About Me" and nothing in "First Life."

He admitted it made him look like a spy or a perv. I agreed. He even admitted the avi was an alt (much more to come on the subject of alts).

So, Lissa's tip of the day is this: Put something in your profile. Even if it's a message about how much you hate profiles, don't have anything witty to say, or could care less if anyone ever IM's you because of your profile. Take some effort and write a little something. (says the compulsive writer) :P

peace

Oh, and...

2008-10-20T22:58:00.003-05:00

I created this blog about a month ago...in anxious anticipation of my first rez day in SL...and promptly forgot about it. So, October 17 marked my one year anniversary of 'life' in SL. I tend to get annoyingly philosophical with very little prompting, so there.

Sound and Fury

2008-10-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

signifying nothing...that's sort of my overall opinion of blogs, and the idea of an SL avatar blog is just too asinine to pass up. So, welcome. ;))

This is basically going to be Lissa's journal, her experiences, her philosophy on life, the universe, and everything, and what happens in SL that doesn't stay in SL.

First of all, if you've read my in-world profile, you know I have an issue with those who insist they keep SL and RL separate. Basically, I think they are either totally full of shit, or they are pathological liars who treat the real humans behind the avi's in SL with a great measure of contempt. I don't trust anyone who either has their first life section blank or says it's none of your business or anything along those lines. What, exactly, are they hiding that they need to keep the two so far apart? I know a thing or two about hiding, so I understand what they are saying, and I don't like it. :P Sure, it's a free SL...

OK, another thing I'm going to ramble on and on about is my view on the psychological impact of the SL experience. In a nutshell, I think it is profound, transformative, and in some cases, destructive, negative, and distracting from RL friendships and responsibilities. There will be lots of posts along those lines.

Stay tuned...I'm going to try to keep the posts short, so all two of you who read them won't be too damn bored.

peace ;)